


The Long Road To Happiness

by portlandborn



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-05-26 19:02:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 40,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15007349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/portlandborn/pseuds/portlandborn
Summary: Jim's thoughts and experiences starting after Casino Night until getting engaged with Pam





	1. Casino Night Fallout - Jim

**Author's Note:**

> Please give feedback, good or bad, it let's me know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set between Seasons 2 and 3, Jim must admit he's depressed and not handling things well, at all.

Chapter 1

Stamford, Connecticut, he didn’t know he could loathe a place so much, he had to leave Scranton, he thought he hated it there, his family not leaving him alone, Pam, who left him alone, alone in his life without someone to love him, he had poured out his feelings, finally, but Stamford was worse, a reminder of his failures and cowardice, running away. He wanted to scream when he thought of her and Roy, her and fucking Roy Anderson, what a sad irony that his beautiful Pam Beesly would soon be another Pamela Anderson. Of course, the problem was, his problem, was that Pam had never been his, he thought she already knew how he felt, how he loved her, he knew she felt similarly, she had admitted as much the night he finally worked up the courage to tell her everything and kiss her, but then she said she would still marry him, him being Roy, not him, Jim, and that was too much to take.

His last month in Scranton he hadn’t been sleeping, it had happened to him before, but this time it was worse, even when he would go two days with no sleep he found himself awake at night, his heart beating fast, his mouth dry, his thoughts torturing him with images of Mrs. Pamela Anderson. His roommate Mark told him he thought he might have clinical depression, Mark had it, so he might know, but Jim’s problems revolved around a girl, not his brain, of course his brain could not stop obsessing about the girl.

Jim had made up his mind about Stamford two weeks before he was supposed to leave, he hadn’t told anyone, he had barely admitted it to himself, which is why a week before he was supposed to leave he finally took the chance with Pam, a last-ditch effort to give himself a reason to stay, the reason to stay.

The night of the Casino fundraiser, after his heart had been ripped out, he called Jan, he was still calm, he wouldn’t allow himself to cry until he was alone, he had always been good at keeping his true feelings hidden, his brothers had always tormented him when he showed any emotions, so he hid them from most people. He shed a few tears, but only a few and he wished he could have stopped those, but even if she didn’t know it, his heart had been the property of Pam Beesly since the day he met her.

His call to Jan had been brief, he told her he would go ahead and take his last week at Scranton off, she had offered to give him two weeks to move and get settled, as part of relocation package, but he thought staying busy would be better, be with his Scranton friends, but now, he couldn’t face anyone, especially Pam, so he ran.

Jan was accommodating, she told Jim that of course he could have the original two weeks, his company condo was all ready for him, unfurnished, but everything else ready to go. He hired a moving company, Dunder Mifflin gave him five thousand for a short move, so he might as well, but he had them pack everything and agree to set up his new condo just like his apartment, he needed some things to at least be similar. All the furniture was his anyways, but he gave Mark five hundred dollars to buy some things, a gift for ditching out on him.

He spent one night in a hotel in Stamford, on the right on the beach, he thought maybe the sound of the ocean would lull him to sleep, but whenever he closed his eyes, he only felt her skin as he held her that night, the feel of the fabric of her dress, the sound of their kiss, the scent of her perfume. The two hours he slept that night had tormented him, dreams that he was actually with Pam, only to wake up in the town he had run to in order to escape her memory. The next morning was a Tuesday, he still had a week and half before he had to work, he needed to right his head before starting at his new branch.

When he got to his new condo Tuesday night, after hanging out at the beach, pretty much by himself on a rainy day, his couch and tv were set up, just like in his last apartment, the condo was even two stories, two bedrooms, and two baths just like his last place, he sighed when he saw the movers had even set up the pictures he had out, there were only three, one of him and his family, one of the Dunder Mifflin gang, and one of he and Pam at Michael’s birthday party at the ice skating rink.

Jim walked upstairs, his clothes had all been unpacked in his dresser, his bed set up, his posters of the Sixers, Phillies, and Eagles all up, everything was like it had been, that’s when the tears came, not of sadness, but out of frustration and from a place inside he didn’t know, he felt anger and disgust, but not at Pam, deep down he couldn’t blame her, he was disgusted by himself. 

He slammed his fist on the wall and screamed at himself, he wondered what his neighbors would think and then stopped, he turned on the shower, the water came out cold, he didn’t care, he was still clothed, he didn’t care, he didn’t even know why, but soon he was in his shower, laying down, his clothes on and cold water pouring down over him. As the water ran over his body, he released his tears, his frustrations, his pain. He had felt like this before, but it was rare, he hated when it happened, he felt weak, but the last time had been his second year in college, that time there was no catalyst, it just happened.

His mind was numb, he just concentrated on the water hitting him, cold and punishing, he shivered but he didn’t give a fuck, he felt like he deserved it for being so pathetic. He started to feel the exhaustion of the past month wash over him, he might have fallen asleep if he hadn’t heard his name being screamed.

When Jim opened his eyes from the floor of shower where he lay, he was startled to see his sister, Larissa, in tears, yelling his name.

“Jim Halpert, what the fuck are you doing?” She was crying and obviously confused by the sight of her large older brother cowering in the shower.

Jim sighed deeply, he slowly got up and turned off the water, “Larissa, please stop, I’m okay.”

“The fuck you are James Duncan Halpert, mom was worried about you, that’s why I drove down from Hartford. What the hell were you thinking?”

Jim felt some bitterness and anger rise in him, his sister was probably the last person on the planet to deserve it, but she was about to get some nonetheless, “I think I thought I’m a grown ass man who has his own place who could do what he wants, did I mention my own place, not yours.”

Larissa hugged him, soaking herself as she did, “then don’t leave the door unlocked dipshit. You’re depressed, you need help.”

Jim rolled his eyes, “yeah I’m depressed, it’s why I moved here and am moving on.”

Larissa smacked his upper shoulder, hard, “Jimmy, you’re not fooling anybody, you have actual depression, mom told me, I mean it makes sense, Dad does, Tom does.”

Jim pulled away, angry, “whatever, I’m fine, okay, I’m fine, I just need space, which apparently is hard to find.”

Larissa pointed her finger at him harshly, “Jim, you hate talking about it, but it’s happened before, in high school, once in college, mom told me. You never want help, why not?”

“Larissa, this is different, I’m depressed because the woman I loved and thought loved me rejected me.” Jim sat down on the lidded toilet as he said this.

Larissa put a hand on his shoulder, “Jim, buddy, that might have triggered it this time, but it doesn’t make it less real or less of a problem.”

Larissa left the bathroom and walked into his bedroom, he could hear his drawers being opened and the zipper of a bag, “Larissa, what the hell, that’s my room.”

When he entered his bedroom, still dripping on the carpet, Larissa held up his small red duffle bag, “I’m packing a few days’ worth of clothes, I’m going to mom and dad’s house, I just finished finals today and was going home for a week and mom asked me to check on you. Good thing too.”

Jim shouted, “I’m not going home, are you fucking insane?”

Larissa took a deep breath, “no, I think that goes to the person who was crying with his clothes on in a freezing cold shower, don’t you?”

Jim’s face contorted with anger, “that’s not funny Larissa?”

She met his gaze and wouldn’t back down, “no it’s not, Jim, no it’s not, which is why you’re coming with me, or I call mom and she can stay the next month with you making sure you don’t do something stupid.”

Jim’s mind raced, his mom worried about her sons and depression, his dad had gone through it, he would retreat to their bedroom and sleep so much for a year so, then with time and medications he got to be like his old self again, he could picture his mom staying with him, until she though he was okay, which might not ever happen. He lowered his head in defeat and his body slumped, “fine, I’ll go, let me dry off and change, I’ll stay two nights, and then you’re driving me back.”

Larissa considered it for a second, “fine, I’ll drive you home and back on Thursday, but Thursday night.”

“Okay.”

“Good, I’m glad my finals finished when they did. I’m glad you’re going to live closer to me Jim, I’m excited you can come and see some of my Lacrosse games, I mean, I am the only Halpert to get a real athletic scholarship.”

Jim shook his head, “I played in college, until I quit.”

“At a division two school because you were afraid you couldn’t cut it, despite all the offers you got. Wow, Jim, these things sound like depression, doubting yourself, quitting your favorite things.”

Jim sighed, “I already said I’m coming with you, can you stop being obnoxious.”

Larissa chuckled at him, “fine, I’ll try, it’s a good thing I’m not Tom or Pete, they can’t not be obnoxious.”

Jim nodded and laughed.


	2. Seeking Help - Jim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set before season 3, Jim sees a psychiatrist and tries to get out of the funk he's been in.

Chapter 2

Jim stared out the window as the trees of Connecticut and Pennsylvania blurred by him, different hues of green and brown streaked and vanished, then the evening came and darkness and flashes of streetlights and headlights streaked by. When he got out of his sister’s car with his bag, his mom and dad came out of the house to greet them.

“Jimmy, glad you’re here.” His dad lumbered over and hugged him, hard and long.

“Nice dad, the retirement beard is looking awesome.”

His dad stroked his grey beard laughing, “yes, it is, it’s a bit longer than the last time you saw it, a few months ago.” Jim tried to hide a guilty look for avoiding his parents while he suffered through the hardest part of Pam’s engagement.

Jim’s mom hugged him, she had tears in her eyes, “Jim, don’t be mad at Larissa or I, I’ve been through this with your father and Tom, you’re going through something normal, please let people who can help you, well, help you.”

Jim didn’t know why, maybe it was being home, maybe it was his mother’s warm, soft embrace, or maybe life had just worn him down, but letting someone else help him sounded really good, finally. Tears started to pour, his whole body just felt exhausted as he managed to blurt out one okay mom before really letting loose.

Betsy Halpert was considered by some to be cold and nagging, but those that knew her realized she might be that way with her oldest two sons who had nearly killed their parents with their pranks, stupidity, and near lethal torture of their youngest brother. Betsy took Jim by the arm and led him inside the house, “Jim, Dr. Le, your father’s doctor can see you in the morning, I feel bad for calling him at home, but he was very kind and understanding and said that genetics play a large part in passing on depression and in treating it, he also said…well I can save that for later.”

Jim looked up, shifting his gaze from the old and terrible red shag carpet his dad refused to get rid of to his mom’s face, “mom, what, I can’t feel any worse than I do right now, you can tell me.”

Betsy sighed and looked nervous, which was rare for her, “fine, I told him you would blame this outburst on being rejected by a woman you loved, a lot. I figured some out on my own and Mark called, don’t be mad at him, you’re old friends and he was worried about you, but the doctor said this may have triggered it, but the insomnia, eating habits, all of it, pointed to clinical depression, my father had it too, but he didn’t get help until he was in his sixties, and he could have used help, believe me, it was not easy to live with all the time.”

The next morning, Jim woke up, he had actually managed five hours of sleep, he didn’t feel refreshed, but he felt better, he thought. He walked in the kitchen, his mom handed him some homemade cinnamon rolls, “your father made them, we all know he makes them the best, so don’t worry, but I’m still the better cook, overall.”

Jim managed a small grin, “thanks mom, for everything,” Jim then cupped his mouth and shouted to the living room, “and thanks for the cinnamon rolls pops, you know they’re my favorite.”

“You’re welcome Jimmy!”

Betsy smiled warmly at her youngest son, “Jim, I took today off to go with you, and before you say anything, the library will survive just fine without me and I did the same for your father and for Tom, and he was married when he had his first appointment, it was the only way Marcie and I could get him to go, he’s still scared of me from all the times I threatened him within an actual inch of his life for being so awful to you. I think the worst was the time he somehow replaced your toothpaste with your father’s hemorrhoid cream and I had to call poison control and you were in the hospital overnight.”

Jim shook his head, “he kept telling me it burnt because I didn’t brush enough, what an ass.”

Betsy nodded, “luckily Peter wasn’t as bad, I still don’t know what Marcie saw in Tom, I’m just glad she saw it, so she could take him off our hands.”

Jim nodded and laughed as he ate one of his dad’s homemade cinnamon rolls, he had lost six pounds in the last month and half, which didn’t seem like a big deal to most people, but he already felt so skinny, so it bothered him, but not enough to do anything about it until now.

An hour later, Jim felt like he was twelve again somehow, in a doctor’s office, with his mother, but unlike his tween and teen years, he wasn’t angry at her, he was thankful she had done what she did, he finally felt like maybe there was hope for him, he would always love Pam and miss what they had, and especially what they could have had, but he couldn’t feel like this and deal with it like this anymore, it just didn’t have a happy ending written in it and he knew that.

Jim reached over and took his mom’s hand, she looked surprised, he smiled at her, not the weak smile he had been passing off as his smile recently, but the warm Jim Halpert smile that could charm just about anybody, “thanks mom, I need this, and I wouldn’t have.”

Betsy fought her own tears, nodded, squeezed his hand, and smiled at her son. Jim was called back soon, his mom waved to him as he crossed over to the examination rooms area, he was seated by the nurse and given a survey. The survey asked him to rate from one to five all these different issues dealing with mental health. How he slept, his motivation, his eating habits, his anger, his crying, his hygiene habits, thoughts of suicide or self harm. Jim hated it, but he knew if he was here he had to be honest, it was after all only last night that his little sister found him in the shower, clothed and cold water, crying. He filled things out, surprised by his own reactions as he realized how depressed he certainly looked on paper.

The nurse collected the survey from him, confirmed that he was currently not using any medications and told him the doctor would be in soon. Jim nervously bounced up and down a little, he wasn’t used to the non give you a physical doctor, no knee x-ray, no pulled muscle, but in his head, things not seen in any scan.

The doctor entered the examination room, “Jim, nice to meet you, Dr. Le. I noticed from our little survey that you haven’t been doing real well lately.” Jim just shook his head, ashamed to say anything. “Jim, like a lot of first time patients, you might feel bad, or guilty, like you’ve done something wrong. I see from your medical record, you’ve pulled ligaments before, did you feel guilty about getting help and taking medications for that?”

“No, not at all.”

Dr. Le smiled, “then you shouldn’t for this either. Based on the knowledge of what your father and brother have gone through and what medications they take, I would like to start you on some medications, the same ones that help them, now, this doesn’t always work, but your DNA is similar, and you all suffer from depression, so I would like to start there. The medicine is only one part of the fight against depression, your body needs help, but there are other things you can do as well, I recommend therapy for patients, a way to talk out issues and seek help, but that is optional. Exercise is a must, endorphins are great, sunshine, being outdoors can help as well. Communication is key Jim, that is what I need the most from you, that you communicate with your family and with me about what’s going on so we can make changes if necessary to help you feel your best.”

Jim and Dr. Le discussed other things, but Jim felt good about what the doctor had told him, the doctor also prescribed a sleeping pill for two weeks to get his body in the habit of sleep while his body adjusted to the medications. 

Betsy smiled at Jim on the ride home, “you already seem a little happier, it was the same with your father and Tom, just knowing that there is help and you don’t have to feel this way, it helps.”

Jim nodded, “thanks mom, I mean it.” Jim’s smile vanished as he saw a small blue car pull up beside them, in it was Pam, singing to the radio and not paying attention. Betsy noticed her son’s frown and where his focus was.

“That’s Pam?” Betsy asked, Jim nodded, “I know you hurt Jim, but remember, regardless of how she felt about you, she was engaged and may have felt trapped, or insecure, or whatever, it’s not easy to make big changes for everyone.”

“I know mom, I know. But I think between my new meds, having you, dad, and Larissa aware and helping, and my move, I can keep going. I was pretty bad when Larissa came over, I at least feel like I can start to crawl out of this hole I’ve been in.”


	3. I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends  - Jim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim hangs out with his best friends Mark and Alan and spends time with his dad. Set right before Gay Witch Hunt.

chapter 3

“Should you be drinking a beer, Jim? Won’t they clash with your meds?” Mark asked Jim, smirking at him as he, Jim, and Alan sat on Jim’s patio.

“Shut up, Mark, you’re drinking one and you take antidepressants. So, fuck off.” As Jim said this Alan reached over for a high five, both men doing so without looking at the other. Jim sighed, glad to have his two best friends from childhood there with him. “Seriously though, thank you guys for coming over, I know it’s a bit of a drive, and I’m doing better, but it’s been nice to see that people care, I was so much in my own head, between the real depression and the stuff with Pam.”

Alan looked at Mark nervously, he was taller than Mark, but shorter than Jim, he was the most muscular out of the three, a point guard on the basketball team with Jim. “So, Jim, you’re really not going to talk to her again, she called off her wedding, doesn’t that mean something?”

Jim took a sip of his beer and shook his head, “no, it doesn’t, I told her how I felt, I laid it all on the line. I told her I was in love with her, she rejected me.”

Alan looked down, nervous about how Jim would react to more questions, but they had been friends, the three of them, since they were five, and he had never seen Jim truly care a girl before. “Jim, didn’t she just say she was still going to marry that guy, she didn’t reject your love, I mean you kissed her, she didn’t slap you or spray you with pepper spray, that’s better than most of the dates I’ve had.”

Mark felt nervous, he didn’t want Alan to push Jim too hard, “Alan, careful, don’t push to hard or he’ll remove you as one of his emergency contacts, which I’m still bitter about, you guys each put a sister as one contact and each other for the second, mine is my mom and Nikki.”

Alan threw hit bottle cap at Mark’s head, “Nikki’s your girlfriend and I haven’t ruled out your mom yet as that either, but we’re talking about Jim here, I know this is a touchy subject, but I think you should call her.”

Jim set down his beer and ran his hands through his hair, “here’s the thing Alan, I told her, I told her I was in love with her and she still chose him, I’m super happy she didn’t marry him, for her sake, he was an ass, is still an ass I’m sure, but the point is that she made her choice, and I haven’t heard from her. I think it just wasn’t meant to be, okay?”

Alan slumped in the patio chair, but as he looked at his friend, he couldn’t help himself, “but you still love her? Not second guessing you, just clearing up all the facts.”

Jim gently threw his bottle cap at Alan and grinned, “yeah, nosy, I do, but that doesn’t matter. This is all new Jim, higher paying job, fancy condo provided by company and no longer in love with a woman who can’t admit her feelings.”

Alan smiled, “I’ll drink to that. A toast, to the all new and improved Jim Halpert, to Jim!”

Mark raised his bottle, “to Jim.”

Jim just tipped his bottle towards them, “to me, and you forgot to say all new and medicated.”

Alan shook his head, “I can’t believe you’re joking about it, which is great, it’s just not normal you.”

Jim nodded and then took a sip from his bottle, “yeah, I figured it was joke about it or freak out, I’ve had enough of that, and for freak out, I mean for me, not like Mark when he loses at Xbox.”

Mark lifted both arms and shrugged, “why does everything turn into make fun of Mark?”

Alan pointed, “because you’ve been dating Nikki for two years, actually work in the field you went to college for and are an easy target.”

Mark bowed, “so glad to be the group’s whipping boy, be sure to let me know when the two of you aren’t so emotionally fragile so I can return the favor.”

Three days later, Jim was in Scranton to spend the day with his dad, go fishing and get a beer together. His dad had an appointment with his doctor in the morning, Jim dropped him off and ran over to his favorite bakery, as he pulled in, he saw her, of course he saw her. Even on a warm day she had her cardigan on, she looked like she was wearing more makeup, she looked pretty, but he always thought she looked pretty. He had laugh a little, he guessed this was a test of new and improved Jim, it was still hard, he had so much he wanted to say, but so many fears and some anger built up, but at least it wasn’t reducing him to tears. He felt a pang of sadness, though not for the rejection, but because he missed her, as a person, hanging out and making jokes, there were very few people he felt that comfortable with, Mark and Pam both lived Scranton and Alan lived in New York, he didn’t know what the coming Monday would bring at the Stamford branch, how hard it would be to deal with new people, or if there would be any fun people there, but he suspected they’d mostly be dead eyed office zombies like a Phyllis or a Stanley, nice but office nice.

That evening, Jim and his dad sat in his dad’s preferred pub, The Liberty Bell Public House in Dickson City, which made Jim laugh, his dad lived in Scranton, but did very little there, he thought that must be where he got his bad attitude about the town from. 

“Can I get you one more beer, son?” Jim’s dad asked as he sat down at the table after choosing a Jethro Tull song on the juke box.

“No thanks pops, I’m good. Jethro Tull, dad? Really?”

“C’mon Jimmy, they’re talented, they thought outside the box, they were a class act. Way better than the crap you listen to. I still remember when your mother freaked out over your Snoop Dogg Album, she kept reading the words and yelling, at me, like I did this to you, and she wanted you to get rid of your albums.”

Jim laughed, “I remember, but she didn’t make me get rid of them.”

Gerald winked at his son, “that’s because I told her the bigger the fuss she made over it, the more likely you were to embrace it even more and never give it up, like Pete and that earring he had. He would have yanked that out much earlier if your mother hadn’t argued with him so damn much, he had no choice but to keep it in, he would have looked stupid, I mean he already did, so more so, if he had argued so much only to take it out. I love torturing him with pictures of that time, he looked like so ridiculous.”

Jim grinned, “thanks for taking me out, pops, I appreciate it.”

Gerald clapped Jim on the back, “Jim, it’s been tough for you. I’m proud of you, you told a woman you loved how you really felt, that’s not easy. You also accepted help and got some medication to balance you out, also not easy, I know. It took your mother a year of nagging me to do something about it, it helped though, but it’s hard to listen to people when you feel stuck.”

Jim nodded, “yeah, I feel better, still stuck, but better.”

“It’ll get better Jimmy, just give it time, not all wounds heal quickly, but it’s worth it when you find the right person.”

Jim nodded again, but his thoughts were all of Pam, he knew he’d found the right one, it just didn’t work out, maybe he wasn’t the one, or the circumstance were too difficult to overcome, but he had to move on, there was no returning to crying, cold shower Jim.


	4. Conventions and Distractions - Jim and Karen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim starts at Stamford and meets and starts to like Karen, and he also sees Michael and Dwight at the convention. Set during Gay Witch Hunt, the Convention, the Coup, and Grief Counseling.

chapter 4

At least he could see the ocean from his desk, this was Jim’s mantra to himself as he endured the boredom of the first few days at Stamford. Josh, the manager, was a nice guy, he was competent and didn’t waste as much time as Michael, and he didn’t invade their personal lives all the time, for which Jim was really grateful at this time considering all he had just been through. The other people in the office were okay, Andy, who had the desk in front of him was obnoxious, Jim learned that this guy went to Cornell University within two seconds of meeting him, and it never stopped. He also sang at his desk a lot, which was terrible. Behind him, sat Karen, she was cut, a little reserved at first, and kind of sarcastic, which is okay, but it made it hard to get close. Jim wasn’t sure how well he fit in, but this was his job, it paid better, his condo was a company condo, he couldn’t complain.

At the end of his fourth week at the new branch, Jim felt like he had a pretty good read on everyone, so he decided to introduce a little Halpert humor to the Stamford people. Jim encased Andy’s graphing calculator in jello. Jim had been careful to not be seen by anyone, he was waiting for Andy’s reaction, he decided Andy would be his new Dwight. Andy opened his desk drawer with the jello calculator after lunch, and his reaction, was not like Dwight’s. Where as Dwight would sort of yell, it was worth it for the indignation and arguing, Andy just got mad, crazy person mad. Jim felt pale as Andy screamed how freaking unfunny it was and then vowed revenge. When Andy left his desk later to chill out, Karen tapped Jim on the shoulder.

“Okay, new guy, I know it was you. It was pretty funny, but Andy is not stable, I think I’m the only one that really notices it, so you have to be careful in how much you torture him.” Karen smiled at him and then returned to her desk, Jim liked the scent of perfume that lingered behind, maybe he thought, maybe Karen could be a possibility.

At home that night, Jim did the best he could to not think of Pam, he was improving, since he had been on the medications, he could think about her without having a panic attack or losing sleep, he was thankful for that, but he also knew how difficult it would be to date someone, the poor woman would be compared to Pam in all areas, but Jim tried to tell himself that as long as she wasn’t engaged and living in fear of happiness, that should be all he needed. He had to pack this weekend for a convention in Philly, Jim was happy to go, he and Josh had already planned to take in a Phillies game on the last day before heading back, but he was nervous about seeing Michael and probably Dwight.

He wondered how much the others really knew about he and Pam, how much he had actually liked her, how he told her he loved her, how he had kissed her, how she had rejected him. He knew Pam was pretty tight mouthed about things, but the timing was also pretty clear, she was supposed to get married and he disappeared, for good.

Monday morning, Jim and Josh had to make an appearance at the office before heading out, Josh had a meeting and Jim was at his desk when Karen walked up, she was in a tight fitting pantsuit, what she pretty much always wore, he didn’t know why it was sexy on her, it just was, but he tried not to look, he didn’t need the only person who he had a sort of friendship with being creeped out by him. “Okay New Guy, I’ve decided to call you Jim now, it’s been a month, but I have to ask, are you going to pull any pranks while in Philly, or is that just for Andy?”

Jim grinned, “well, my pranks in Scranton were all for my really weird and holier than thou desk mate, so many stories to tell there, but he will be there, and I can’t resist pranking him.”

She rested her hand on his shoulder, “well have fun, you guys will have more fun than we will, oh I’m sorry, you’re practically corporate, I should watch what I say.” Jim laughed as he breathed in the pleasant scent of her perfume again.

As he and Josh walked through the convention, he realized that even the so called fun days at his job were boring, they could dress it up however they wanted, this was still about paper and the selling of paper. He tensed up when he saw Michael, but then Michael acted like Michael and Jim’s fears about everything with Pam and how much they might know evaporated. Michael soon warmed up to him and was acting like he normally was, and then there was Dwight. Jim was able to enjoy a lot of his time at the convention, Jan was still treating Michael like a ten year old, trying to understand how all the nonsense he did would relate to sales numbers.

The best part however was being with Dwight, Dwight had immediately tried to get a competition in numbers going, but the past month had by far been the best of Jim’s career, he was top in the company, so when Dwight asked him how much he was able to sell in old Stamford, Jim reveled in the reaction on Dwight’s face when he told him he had made forty thousand in commission already, Dwight of course didn’t believe him until Josh nodded. Jim started to plan a way to get a copy of Dwight’s room key and do something small to drive Dwight’s paranoia to exciting new heights.

In the middle of the second day, when the Jim, Josh, Dwight, and Michael were on the main convention floor, Michael got a call, which of course had to be Pam. Michael, being Michael loudly shouted at everyone and into the phone, “okay, everyone say hi to Pam!” What’s that Pam, oh it’s me, Dwight, Josh, and Jim. Okay, Pam says hi everyone. Yeah, that’s fine, I’ll call him, hey, have fun on your date.”

Jim’s hearts sunk at the thought of her being on the other end of the call, but he quickly calmed himself down, reasoning was working better these days, his last month and a half in Scranton, even logic couldn’t help him. So, she was dating, she was single again, she and he weren’t anything, of course it bothered him, but he had plans, he was now working on operation Karen, he wanted to expand the friendship a bit, and then ask her out, he knew she was single and not engaged, that was a big plus.

When Jim got back from the convention, his plan with Karen seemed to hit a snag, the Stamford Branch did indeed have their own way of wasting time, playing Call of Duty, which was not Jim’s type of videogame, he hated it in fact, but he was put on a team with Andy and Josh and horrified to find out how serious they took it, he almost offered to give Andy some his medication when he flipped out at Jim and threatened to kill him for real, lucky for Andy, anger with others had never been Jim’s problem.

Karen was really good at the game and enjoyed not only giving him a bad time about sucking at it, but relished killing him, time and time again. Jim wondered how important this stupid game was to her, she took it pretty serious, he hoped it was just her being competitive, but he wasn’t sure, and it was easy to doubt his game with the ladies after the past few months of his life.

A new opportunity came for Jim a few weeks after the convention, in the morning meeting, Josh asked Karen if she had generated a price list for one of the local school districts yet, of course she said no, generating price lists was tedious and didn’t always translate into sales. Josh then asked Jim to make sure she did it, Karen seemed flustered, but Jim thought he could have fun with it, and then ten minutes later when she told him that finding her favorite brand of potato chips for snack did not fall under the umbrella of his authority, Jim thought bingo, he had an in,

The rest of the morning and into the early afternoon, the two of them ignored work and called different vendors, went to some other floors, and Karen impressed him speaking French to a store in Montreal. He wasn’t sure how she felt about it, but he was loving the chance to flirt again, he liked Karen, he knew she wasn’t Pam, but no other girl was, and if he didn’t move on, he’d only be miserable. 

When Karen left to run to her apartment during a break, Jim called the local vending machine company and found out they had the chips in the building next door, Jim rushed over, bought them, and had them on Karen’s desk when she returned. 

“Where'd you find them?” Karen smiled as she picked them up and opened them.

“Where'd I find what?” Jim replied, trying to play it cool, keeping the man of mystery vibe alive and well. Karen didn’t reply this time, she just popped a chip in her mouth and smiled as she ate it. As she did, Jim couldn’t help but thing how sexy her lips were.

 

That night, Jim felt better than he had in some time, he wasn’t thinking only about Pam, or trying to distract himself, he thought of Karen and what else he could do to tip the scales in his favor, it felt nice to focus on a woman with whom he had an actual chance. The problem was, that when Jim got tense and felt the need to masturbate, it was still the memory of his kiss with Pam that he used, the way she felt, how soft her lips were, everything about that night, but maybe this stuff with Karen would eventually dig him out of this hole, then he could be with an actual woman and the not beating off to the memory of the one that got away.


	5. Distracting or Destruction? - Jim and Karen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim tries to move on, then he talks to Pam, but then he drunkenly takes a big leap with Karen, pushing things forward. Set before and during the Initiation and Diwali.

chapter 5

“That’s so not true Filippelli, there is no way that Jackie Brown is better than Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs, not even possible.” Jim laughed, they had started talking on the phone sometimes, it started as him asking advice for a good dentist and ended up with them talking a few times over the past two weeks, since the chip adventure. It had felt so good to speak with someone and joke around, he needed this.

 

“I think it was more current, a better female lead.”

 

“Pam Grier was a great as Jackie Brown, not arguing that, but the overall movies, Pulp Fiction, then Reservoir Dogs, then Kill Bill, also a strong female lead, then Jackie Brown. It’s scientifically proven.”

 

Karen was giggling, “really Halpert, scientifically? Can you at least admit the Godfather is better than all those?”

 

“Never, no way! Completely disagree. Hey I better get off, my phone is about to die and I have to find my charger, I’ve kind of been a slob lately.”

 

“Good to know, talk to you later, Halpert.”

 

“See you tomorrow Filippelli ”

 

The next day, Karen stole Jim’s chair and replaced it with her squeaky chair, he kept quiet about it until she went to the bathroom and switched it back. She kept squeaking it and giving Jim a hard time for switching it. Jim retaliated by starting to sing the Lovefool by Cardigans. Karen complained and said it was unfair and that it would get stuck in her head, then Andy started singing it and Karen was beaten.

 

Jim was in a good mood that day, he and Karen had some good interactions and had talked at break, he was looking forward to calling her that night, they had taken turns calling without ever talking about it. Karen had left, and Jim finished up some paperwork and then dialed the Scranton office to leave a voice mail to ask some questions about his fantasy football league they were in together.

 

Jim was very surprised when Pam picked up, they ended up speaking for over thirty minutes, it felt great, it was if no time had passed, no awkwardness ever taking place, he felt light and happy, better than he’d felt in months. It wasn’t until the call ended rather awkwardly for both of them that he realized how much he enjoyed talking to her and that he never felt that way when he spoke with Karen, he like Karen, but it wasn’t the same.

 

Jim groaned at himself as he drove home, “Why, Pam, why you’d have to pick up the fucking phone, I was moving on!” Jim slammed his hands on the steering wheel as he shouted, when he came to stop light, he took a deep breath and picked up his phone, hoping he’d pick up.

 

“Jim Halpert, what’s up?” Alan’s voice was happy, he was always happy.

 

“I talked to her today?”

 

“Who, the girl you work with, Carol, Carla?”

 

“No, her name’s Karen, but still no, I talked with Pam and it was so fucking good, but now, now I’m mixed up, I was ready to move on and now, I don’t know.”

 

“Dude, if you like Pam, just ask her out, otherwise, move on. Don’t torture yourself waiting for something to happen.”

 

“I know, I know, but speaking with Pam is always the best, it’s just so much better than anything else, I mean, Karen is great but…”

 

“Jim, listen, unless you plan on doing something with Pam, let her go. I was hung up on Cheryl for months, it didn’t help, once I started to just go out, just dates, nothing serious, I ended up forgetting about her, mostly. Sadly, the other women broke my heart, but you’ve got to move on just try to be happy.”

 

Jim sighed loudly, “yeah, you’re right. Thanks Al.”

 

“No problem, Jimmy boy, talk to you later.”

 

When Jim got home and ordered his pizza, which would last him two days, he felt bad, but he knew there was no way he could call Karen that night, it wouldn’t be fair to her, he would be expecting it to be like his conversation with Pam, and that would never happen. Jim sat on his couch and looked for something to watch, he was bummed out, but he wasn’t spiraling, he wasn’t crying, he wasn’t staying up late at night, he talked about it to Alan, it wasn’t the victory he wanted for the day, but it was a victory nonetheless, to be handling setbacks with Pam better than before.

 

After speaking with Pam, he had gone a week and a half without calling Karen, she was a little different at work, she still talked to him, but she seemed, different, a little detached. He finally called her on a Thursday, the next day they had to stay late and do some paperwork, it was there once a quarter consolidation of paperwork, he didn’t want that to be awkward. He didn’t know why he as nervous, but he was, he trembled slightly as he entered her number.

 

“Halpert, I thought you lost my number.”

 

Damn, he thought, she’s angry. “Sorry, Filippelli, I have to be honest, I am moving on from a difficult situation, I won’t ever want to get into it, but I talked to her last week and didn’t want to lead you on or anything, I think I like you, but it’s been a difficult time for me.”

 

She paused for a second, “thank you for being honest, I get it, I’ve had some breakups like that, but we’re just talking, and for the record, I think I might like you too.”

 

“Sorry about not calling though, that was crappy, I was pretty beat up when I moved here, my mom drug me to a psychiatrist, and honestly, that helped. My family has a history of depression, so I got medicated and things have been better, sorry if that’s scary, again, going for the truth thing here.”

 

Karen laughed, “it’s the unmedicated ones you have to worry about Halpert, but I appreciate your honesty, again.” Jim talked to her for a little bit longer and then said goodnight. He felt pretty good about things, he was desperate to prove to himself that he could move one.

 

Jim decided to start getting exercise like Josh and biked to work, but unlike Josh, Jim rode in his work clothes and got there a sweaty mess. Karen made fun of him for his basket, but the rest of the day went by fast, and then Jim, Andy, and Karen had to stay late for the account form consolidation. Jim thought it would be a long night, but then Andy brought Jägermeister, and every twenty forms consolidated, Andy would make every one take a shot. Jim kept pounding them, getting progressively drunk and unstable, but Karen poured hers out in trash.

 

At the end of the evening, Jim asked Andy if he could get a ride home, not wanting drunken awkwardness with Karen, but Andy planned on sleeping at the office on an air mattress, he did offer to let Jim sleep on the air mattress with him, but even drunk Jim was too smart for that. Jim tried to ride his bike and kept tipping over and falling off. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get home when he heard a car horn.

 

“Hey, dummy, get in the car.” Karen called out smiling from her SUV.

 

“I'm a drunk driver.” Jim said while not knowing where to look as he felt progressively worse.

 

Karen got out to help him put his bike in the back, “Yes, you are. Here, let me take that thing. Just get in the car.”

 

“Okay.” Jim started to get in the car, “You can really hold your liquor, though, really.”

 

Karen laughed at him, again, “Yeah. You can't. Okay. And I am just going to lie down in the back, if that's all right?”

 

“Sure. Here's your bag. Just don't puke on anything. You okay?” Karen looked back at him, she couldn’t help but laugh at this guy who she liked and felt nervous around who was now nearly passed out in the back of her car.

 

“So good.” Jim could smell her perfume and wanted to tell her how much he liked it.

 

“Good.” Karen knew where he lived, one of the previous workers had lived there before. When Karen pulled up, she helped Jim get out of the car and helped with his bike. After Karen helped him get his bike in his condo, Jake thanked her and hugged her, he pulled her in, Karen felt a little uncomfortable because she liked him, but she also knew he was drunk. She hugged him back and as she pulled away, Jim went in for a kiss, his breath was not great, he was drunk, but Karen was turned on by the kiss, Jim knew how to kiss soft but hot, not forcing his tongue immediately down her throat or somehow trying to show dominance by kissing too hard.

 

Jim stopped the kiss, he turned red and his head was swimming, he felt stupid and wondered if he had ruined their friendship. “Shit, sorry, Karen, I’m drunk, I shouldn’t have done that.”

 

Karen reached up and held his face gently, “Halpert, it’s okay, I liked it, are you sure you’re okay with this?”

 

Jim grinned, “I like you, but I’m pretty fucked up. I just don’t know how long term I am right now.”

 

Karen smiled shyly at him, “damn your honest, so let me be honest. I like you, if things don’t work out, they don’t work out, we’re both adults, so let’s give this a try. I think you’re hot and I’m down, with you know…”

 

Jim laughed softly, “yeah I do,” and he bent down and kissed her again, his finger gently caressing her face, and then slowly going down her neck to her sides, sliding under her blouse, she felt shivers go up her spine when he made skin on skin contact, Jim felt her respond to this, he opened his eyes and spoke into the kiss, “inside?”

 

Karen pulled back and nodded, Jim took her by the hand and led her inside and upstairs. When Jim reached his room, he turned lifted up Karen, she wrapped her legs around him and started kissing neck and ear, nibbling occasionally, Jim, who had not been with a woman in some time groaned, Karen grinned at him, “Halpert, bed, now.”

 

Jim walked to the bed and set Karen down, she immediately took charge and started unbuttoning Jim’s shirt, yanked it off of him and then pulled his pants down, Jim just grinned, enjoying her almost dominance. Jim wasn’t sure what he should do when she slipped off her jacket and quickly unbuttoned her blouse, throwing it down, Jim gulped nervously as he noticed her black lacy bra, Karen took notice and blushed, she then slid down her pants, Jim knew he needed to show a little initiative in all this, so as she kicked off her pants, he leaned down and lay on the bed next to her.

 

Jim started kissing her neck, moving down to her collarbone, his hand dropped down to her underwear as his fingers gently stroked over the material, Karen shuddered, “shit, Halpert, those long fingers come in handy.”

 

Jim smiled, “it’s been a while, but I still remember the basics.” His fingers kept rubbing as he felt her getting wetter and wetter, his other hand slipped down her bra as his tongue worked her breasts. Karen did not have large breasts, but Jim loved them, they were perfect, a mouthful he thought as he took her entire left breast in his mouth while slipping his fingers under her waistband and slid a finger in her folds.

 

Karen arched her back and moaned as he sucked on her nipple and slid one more finger in. “Fuck, Jim, that’s amazing, don’t stop.” Jim kept doing exactly what he had been and soon he could feel her getting slicker and then she tightened around his two fingers, “fuck, so close, shit, Jim.”

After Karen collapsed back on the bad, Jim pulled his fingers out and licked them slowly, one by one, “God, Karen, you taste so good.” Karen reached behind her and unhooked her bra and leaned up and kissed him passionately, Jim slid her underwear off, they were soaked and as Jim felt them his erection felt even more strained as it poked out of his boxers, Karen reached out and yanked them down.

 

Karen looked Jim in the eyes, “your call Halpert, I can return the oral favor, or you can fuck me.”

 

Jim closed his eyes and groaned when he heard her, he had always been a sucker for dirty talkers, but had only briefly dated a girl who was. Jim fumbled around on his bedside table for a condom he kept there just in case, Karen smirked when she saw it and grabbed it from him and ripped it open and quickly slid it onto his hardened length. Jim then positioned himself and slowly entered her, he groaned as he did so, “fuck, Karen, so damn tight, so good.”

 

Karen gasped as he began thrusting while his mouth returned to lavish attention on her perky breasts, Jim kept up a frantic pace, Karen was breathing harder and harder, her hands were practically pulling his hair, but she couldn’t help it, Jim started to gently bite Karen’s nipples as he felt her tighten around him and buck her hips, this sent him over the edge as he bucked up spilled into the condom just after she finished. The kissed for a little while longer. Jim cleaned up and returned to lay in bed with, he smiled at her as they embraced one another.

 

“Halpert, why the smile? Happy or is it just because you have a naked chick in bed?”

 

Jim ran finger down her cheek, “I’m happy, I mean, you are hot and naked, but I’m happy, and it’s been a while since I could really say that.” Karen smiled and nuzzled her head on his chest as the two soon fell asleep embracing one another.


	6. Going Back(wards) and Moving On (sort of) - Jim, Karen, and some Pam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim decides to go back to Scranton with Karen in tow and must confront his feelings for Pam. Set during Branch Closing and the Merger

chapter 6

The streams of daylight poured through the cracks in the blinds, shining just enough light wake Jim, he rubbed his eyes with his free hand, then he looked down at the weight on his other hand and there was Karen, covered only in the sheet that he was also covered with. He sighed as he saw her, even with his hangover and having been drunk, he remembered the night before with surprising clarity. As he watched her deep breathing as she slept he felt guilty, he liked her, he did, but was it enough? He knew it was wrong to compare how he felt about Pam to her, but she was who had made him happiest, didn’t he deserve happiness? He closed his eyes again, he wasn’t sure he and Karen being together could end up as anything but disaster, he wasn’t sure he would ever feel what he thought he needed to feel, to commit, to truly commit.

 

In a few minutes, he felt her stirring, “Jim, how’s the head?”

 

“Hurts some, head is foggy, but they say the best hangover cure is to have hot a woman in your bed, so I’m part way there.” Karen elbowed him. She reached one arm around his head and gently stroked his hair with her fingers.

 

“Jim, I meant what I said, I wanted this, I want us, but if you’re not ready, I understand, but, I like you, so there. I hope you don’t think I’m like a slut or something, but I like you and yeah.” Karen sighed as she confessed to him.

 

Jim closed his eyes searching for the right words to say not only to her but to himself, he wondered as he searched how long he would feel so conflicted, but Pam was in Scranton, Pam had chosen to not do anything about his love for her. “Karen, I like you, I do. I want to start dating, I just have to warn you, I will be gun shy about some commitments, not because of you, but because of me, that might sound shitty, but, it’s what it is.”

 

Karen tilted her head and leaned her head up to kiss the bottom of his chin, “hey, I told you I wanted this, so that means accepting things as they are, and just so you know, I’m not commitment crazy, I like my space, I like to go to New York with my college friends, I like to take a weekend for myself sometimes.”

 

Jim laughed, “well, then, I guess that’s it, are we going to have to fill out the damn paperwork?”

 

Karen laughed, “no, no way. Andy gets even weirder when people at the office date, like psycho weird.”

 

“Is it wrong that I want to punch him every time he calls me Big Tuna?”

 

Jim could feel her giggle against his body, “no, I think everyone does, you just don’t strike me as the face punching type.”

 

“Yeah, you called my bluff. You can’t be passive aggressive without being passive about your aggressiveness. I think that’s why I do pranks, to annoy some and impress others, it’s very kindergarten.”

 

“I agree, but it was cute too, at least you don’t brag about going to Cornell all the time, even though he’s the worst salesman.”

 

Jim chuckled, “I know, his numbers suck, I mean really bad. How does he have so much swagger? Is it the early nineties office wardrobe, the fact that he sings acapella, or the yellow car he drives?”

 

Karen bit her lip, “well, he sort of dated a girl who used to work here, or at least they hooked up once, I don’t know what she was thinking, but according to her, he’s compensating for something, a lot, a lot.”

 

Jim pushed Karen aside a little to look at her, “no way? That bad?”

 

Karen blushed and had a smirk on her lips, “yep, she referred to him as Andy No Nards, even though he had nards, just…”

 

Jim snickered out loud, “normal berries, light on the twig, or maybe a splinter?”

 

Karen nodded chuckling, “According to her it was like a baby carrot, which made me stop eating those for good. She said that the morning after they had sex, he took her to a breakfast buffet and he loaded up on those little smokie sausages and kept saying how much he loved teeny weenies, she lost it, but she’s not sure he ever put two and two together.”

 

Karen spent the day with Jim, he felt happy, he enjoyed her company, he thought she was pretty, she was very intelligent, she was funny, he just needed to put all his doubts out of his mind since his only true doubt had nothing to do with who she was, but rather who she wasn’t, and that wasn’t fair to her or healthy for him.

 

On Monday when Jim came back from a sales call, Karen was smiling as a group of people led by Andy, Karen walked up to him, “Hey, did you hear about your friends in Pennsylvania? Rumor has it that the Scranton branch is…” and Karen made the hand motion for fired.

“Really? Wow, that's bad.” Jim’s head started to swim about possibilities of what would happen to the Scranton people.

Karen could see concern on his face, “Sorry.”

 

Then Andy turned around looking more pompous than normal, “Scranton branch is closing? In your face.”

 

Jim rolled his eyes and smirked as he thought about what Karen had told him of his nickname, Andy No Nards, “Well, I work here now.”

 

“Sucker.” Jim immediately started thinking about filling Andy’s desk with tiny wieners.

 

Jim kept cornering Josh to find out if anyone from Scranton was coming over, but Josh was evasive and wouldn’t really say anything. An hour later, Jan came in and called a meeting with he and Josh, Jan announced that several members of the Scranton Branch would come over, and then Josh hit her with the bombshell that he had used his status there to get a new job at Staples. 

 

Everything was in disarray after that and soon, Jim was offered the same position he had now, with more pay, but in Scranton. Karen and he discussed things, she wanted to have a job, but Jim told her Scranton sucked and she should consider something else.

 

As Jim sat at his desk contemplating his own future he became angry with himself, here he had a chance to go back and live close to his parents, Dunder Mifflin would pay for his transfer and pay for year of a new condo they lined up, he would make more money, and Karen could go there too, but there was the issue of Pam. Jim sat and said nothing for over an hour, just thinking of the pros and cons of everything, and then he got up and told Karen he was taking the job and that she should too. Karen smiled, but Jim could tell she was also nervous, he was basically telling her to move for him, not in with him, but by him, for him. He had to commit, he had to block out Pam and realize that a long-term relationship with Karen was not worth sabotaging just to have Pam break his heart again.

 

Jim was resolute to make his and Karen’s relationship work, he needed time to feel more committed, or so he told himself, and he also promised himself that he would do his best to not fall back into old habits with Pam. He had one week to prepare himself, one week and he would be back in Scranton with the old crew.

 

A few nights later, Jim and Karen were laying down on his couch together watching a Sixer’s game, Karen looked up at Jim, “okay, so, you and I?”

 

Jam grinned at her, wanting to keep the situation light, hoping it would stay light, “you and I is a question?”

 

Karen sighed laid her head on his chest, “Jim, I know you have reservations, I like this, but I’m moving there, mainly for you, so I have to know, are we good? I don’t even know if I’m making sense.”

 

Jim kissed the top of her head, “of course we’re good, I want this, us, it’s what I want. I’m sorry if I don’t make you feel that.”

 

Karen raised her head and leaned in to kiss him, “you do, I just worry that whatever happened before is still in your head, I’m not trying to talk about it, just saying.”

 

Jim nodded, “it is, but it’s one of those things that will always stay with me, for good or bad, but in this case, it’s good, I’m happy you’re coming to Scranton, very happy.” Karen smiled at him, she turned over and straddled Jim, cupping his cheeks with her hands and kissing him vigorously. Jim felt himself getting herd, quickly, Karen felt it under her, she grinned and began grinding slowly but purposely.

 

Jim felt bold suddenly, bolder than he’d felt in some time, he moved his hands to her blouse and started unbuttoning it, Karen raised her chest slightly to make it easier for him, when he finished, she sat up quickly and pulled it off, she then lifted Jim’s t-shirt over his head and then she reached behind her and undid her bra and tossed it on the floor. Jim couldn’t help himself and took a breast in his mouth, covering it completely and then only taking the nipple in his mouth as he pulled it gently with his teeth. Karen moaned as she continued grinding, Jim could feel her moistness through her pants and his sweats.

 

Jim put his hands on her pants and blindly tried to unbutton them, Karen must have thought he was moving too slowly as she moved his hands away and undid her pants and briefly got off Jim to pull them down, Jim took the time to get his pants off, he wondered if he should leave his boxers on when he looked up saw Karen had removed everything, so followed suit. 

 

“Shit,” Jim grumbled, “I don’t have a condom down here,” Karen straddled him and used her hand to enter Jim’s erection into her moist folds, as he entered, Karen smiled.

 

“I started on the pill ten days ago, so we’re good, I trust you.” Karen started kissing his jawline and up to his ears as he rubbed both her nipples with his thumbs, enjoying how they felt hard under his skin.

 

“Fuck, Karen, you feel so tight, holy shit.” Karen said nothing as she ground on him and was nearing her release as Jim unrelentingly stroked her nipples.

 

“Jim, Jim, don’t stop, hitting just right, shit, don’t stop.” Jim focused on Karen’s face as her eyes closed and squinted hard she rocked her hips back hard and he felt her tense around his cock, Jim started thrusting harder and harder as he took her breast back in his mouth, biting a nipple when he felt himself getting close, and soon he spilled into her, his eyes closed, his forehead sweaty.

 

Karen kissed his forehead and smiled at him, “I’m happy too.”

 

Jim’s first day back at the Scranton branch had felt strange, he and Karen didn’t want everyone to know they were together, so they kept it quiet, but after seeing Pam and hugging her, he had to tell her, he had to set a boundary, to let her know that his heart wasn’t her stomping ground anymore. At the end of the day, Karen snuck out early and Jim had to stay late to get some things done when Karen called him.

 

“Hey, where you at, Filippelli?” Jim smiled, glad to have her there with him.

 

“I'm at the grocery store buying a corkscrew to give myself a lobotomy.” She sounded serious.

 

“What's wrong, you didn't have a good first day?”

 

“Oh, my God!” He knew exactly what ten different events she was referencing with that comment. Hey, you wanna meet at Cooper's in an hour? I need a drink.”

 

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good. I.. Hey, you know what? Can I give you a call right back?”

 

“Yeah. Bye.”

 

“Okay, thanks.” Jim saw Pam and knew he should say something, this was his chance. “Hey I thought you had already left.”

 

“No, I just had some other stuff I had to do.” Jim hated how pretty she looked, but he had to set up a boundary and protect his heart and Karen. “Good. What's up?” Pam smiled, she was glad to be speaking with Jim again, she had missed him and his friendship. 

 

“Oh, nothing, I just feel bad. I feel like things were a little weird today, or something.” He felt like he was completely screwing this up, but he had to get this out, he had to let her know that he wasn’t the same, they weren’t the same, things couldn’t be the same, he had been forced to change, to move on.

 

“What do you mean? “ Jim panicked a little as she said that, he didn’t want to freak her out or hurt her, but he had to say it.

 

“I just think I should tell you that I've sort of started seeing someone.” There, he’d said it, it was out, he only wished he felt better about it.

 

“And That's totally cool. You can do whatever you want.” He didn’t know why her words stung, but they did, maybe deep down he wanted her to care, for her to be upset that he had moved on, or maybe it wasn’t all that deep down.

 

“Okay, good.” In his mind he was cussing himself out, okay, good? He thought that he must sound like an idiot to her.

 

“We're friends. We'll always be friends.” She tried to smile, but it wasn’t the most conniving one he’d ever seen.

 

“Right.” He started to think he should carry a thesaurus with him, his limited vocabulary tonight had been atrocious.

 

“It's good to have you back.”

 

“Yeah, good to be back.” That was a lie he thought, in his mind and preparation, coming back and being together with Karen would make all this easier, but no, it still sucked, he was back and Pam would never be with him, as a couple, apparently he told himself bitterly, though she would always be in his head.


	7. Confusion and Conundrums - Jim, Karen, and some Pam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set during Benihana Christmas and Back From Vacation, Jim is confused about how to proceed with Karen and gets advice from Pam.

chapter 7

 

“Halpert, are you sure you’re okay, you seem, I don’t know, detached, or distant.” Karen looked sad, Jim hated himself for hurting her, he never meant to, but being back around Pam was not easy, even being with Karen hadn’t helped him truly move on.

 

“It’s just being back at Scranton, you see how Michael is, and how Dwight is, and now Andy is here, being Andy.”

 

Karen moved over from next to him on the couch and sat on his lap, she started kissing his neck, slowly and tenderly, “I’m sorry this is tough, but I’m here, that’s good, right?” 

 

As Jim looked at her he could see her vulnerability, she never showed it at work, at all, but since they got together, he had seen it more and more, and it made him feel like shit since his distance and unresolved Pam issues were really the cause of it. To make matter worse, every time he would start to become distant, she would start kissing him and they would end up having sex, which did not ease his conscience for how he was dealing things and treating her.

 

Karen moved from his neck to his lips now, Jim jumped a little as her hand reached down and started to caress his cock, Jim groaned, which Karen thought was from pleasure, but Jim knew was from his frustration with himself.

 

On Sunday, Karen was gone to visit her parents for the day, Jim wasn’t feeling any better about Pam or about how he was dealing with it in his relationship with Karen. He finally picked up his phone.

 

“Jim, what’s up?” 

 

“Alan, nothing, well, that’s a lie. I’m fucked Alan.”

 

He could hear Alan sigh, “Pam issues, being back not as easy as you thought?”

 

“No, not at all, and I feel like an asshole because I have a girlfriend, who is great, she really is, and yet I’m distracted and all think about is the one that got away.”

 

“Jim, you know my feelings, tell Pam how you feel.”

 

“I did, and it failed.”

 

“Fine, then you need to enjoy Karen, forget all the past with Pam.”

 

“Yeah, not that easy.”

 

“Jim, I don’t know what else to tell you, you deserve to be happy, you just have to decide where that’s gonna be, don’t stay miserable because it’s safe, that’s how we ended up in jobs that suck, remember?”

 

Jim talked to Alan for another twenty minutes, it felt good to talk about it, but he still didn’t feel better. The next day he was focused on forgetting when he got an unusual call from Andy. Andy told Jim he was horny, Jim tried to get rid of him quickly, but instead Andy asked about all the women in the office, and as Andy asked about Pam, Jim couldn’t help himself, pranking Andy while making Pam laugh was too good an opportunity to pass up. In the end, Jim convinced Andy that all the things that Pam hated were actually her turn on and likes, so Andy serenaded her in a high voice, talked about frisbee golf, and was pure Andy. Pam’s reaction was priceless to Jim, he felt great, until he got home.

 

Karen came over later and Jim was distracted, again, Karen never knew what to do when he got like that, one thing worked, so she started to kissed him, and soon they were on Jim’s bed, undressed, Jim was unfocused on Karen, instead his mind was on Pam, everywhere he touched, the sounds he brought out of Karen, they weren’t her, instead in his mind, it was all Pam, he closed his eyes as licked and sucked her clit, bringing her to a loud orgasm, his eyes were closed and his mind on Pam as Karen dug her fingernails in his back, in Jim’s mind, it was Pam doing this, Pam causing him the slightest of pain as he spilled into Karen.

 

As they lay on his bed afterward, Jim did his best to be in the moment with Karen, while all the while his mind was elsewhere, he cringed at who he was right now, he didn’t want to use Karen, but he didn’t want to lose her either. Christmas was only a week away, Jim’s thoughts went back to last Christmas when he had given Pam the teapot, he had chickened out at the last minute, stealing back the card he had written which poured out his soul and true feelings for her.

 

The day of the office Christmas party arrived, the day was its normal amount of boring when Pam and Karen started getting friendly planning a rival party, and to make matters worse, Pam did something thoughtful. She handed Jim a folder with all of Dwight’s communications with a fake FBI agent, which was Pam, preparing him for a secret mission. Jim wanted to laugh and smile, not to mention hug her, but instead, he forced himself to fight off his feelings, and in the end told her he couldn’t partake in the prank because he was second in command now, he hated himself for saying it, but there was nothing he could do about it, he couldn’t get too comfortable with her again.

 

The day ended up being bizarre, from a surreal lunch at Benihana’s where he tortured Dwight to the strange karaoke party planned by Pam and Karen, and then in the end, Jim couldn’t resist, pranking Dwight or goofing off with Pam, and he sent Dwight to the roof awaiting a chopper, only to abort the mission and commanding him to throw away his cell phone.

 

After the party excitement, Jim and Karen were at Karen’s hotel room where she had been staying as she waited to find a good place. Jim felt uneasy as her hotel room was mostly just the bed and every time they hung out there it ended in sex, not helping his guilt. As Karen nuzzled up to him, caressing his hand with hers, he caught a familiar scent, he could make out a hint of Pam’s perfume, the result of Karen’s day long collaboration with her. Jim closed his eyes, but as he did, he could feel himself becoming aroused from just the scent of her perfume coupled with the warm embrace and touch of Karen.

 

Jim turned over and began kissing Karen passionately, Karen moaned softly as Jim kissed her differently than ever before, his kiss deeper and more intense, his hands snaking under her waistband and immediately circling and hitting the right spots, causing a heat and desire in Karen, as she thought Jim was getting more passionate about her. Jim tried to close his mind and just act, though he knew where this was coming from, he couldn’t help himself, he pushed the guilt from his mind, for the moment. Jim had never heard Karen so loud and vocal, her orgasm came with a scream, when Jim entered her, he did so with a confidence and force he hadn’t felt before, his hands and lips explored her body with a passion and tenderness she hadn’t felt from him, she came again, and then once more before Jim finally groaned loudly and came inside her from behind as he stood behind her while she leaned over the bed. He had forced himself to not shout words as he was afraid he would say the wrong name, not of the woman he was with, but the one he pictured and thought of as he had been with Karen.

 

Christmas with the Halperts could be stressful, but this year Pete and Tom each had to go to their in-law’s houses, so it was just Jim, Larissa and his parents. On Christmas eve, Jim’s parents went to bed fairly early, leaving Jim and Larissa playing videogames and enjoying some of their dad’s premium lagers he liked to stock the fridge with.

 

Jim set down the controller and took a drink of beer, Larissa looked at him and frowned. “What? Larissa, you’re being weird.”

 

“I know, but I talked to Alan…don’t look at me like that, he was just worried.”

 

“Why were you guys talking?” Jim squinted knowing something was going on.

 

Larissa blushed, “well, we uh, we’re sort of dating. He lives in Hartford now since his transfer, and me, I have a pretty easy senior year, so we just hung out a few times, and then it just sort of happened.”

 

Jim just stood completely still, “that is so fucking weird, my friend and my sister, you guys are like six years apart, it’s weird.”

 

“Jim, we’re both in our twenties, it’s not weird, but this isn’t the point, Alan said you were still obsessing over Pam. I thought the meds were working.”

 

Jim rolled his eyes and groaned, “Larissa, the meds are working, they work fine, but my feelings about someone aren’t going to change because of anti-depressants, this isn’t Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the pills aren’t erasing my memories of Pam and I. I’m not obsessing either, I just have feelings, ones I wish I didn’t have, but I do. I’m trying, I’m dating Karen.”

 

Larissa bit her lip before responding, “are you being fair to her?”

 

Jim shrugged, “I don’t know, I know I like her, but it’s different, I’m trying, I’m trying to escape what I feel and that’s hard to do.” Jim stood up, “listen, I’m happy for you and Alan, really, but my life isn’t simple right now, I’m trying, that has to be good enough for everyone right now, it’s good enough for me and I’m the one struggling through it. I’m going to bed, see you on Christmas little sister.”

 

A week later, Jim’s pattern with Karen wasn’t improving, at all, Jim was slipping his shorts back on, he shook his head as he watched Karen get dressed, he was so mad at himself, Karen was great, the sex was great, and yet his mind wasn’t in it, not on her anyway. He sighed as he sat down. Karen came over to him with a piece of paper.

 

“Look at this, this place is right down the street from yours, so no more hotel and it’s close enough I could walk over, not worry about going back and forth all the time, like now.”

 

Jim wanted to scream at himself, Karen had deeper feelings for Jim than he felt comfortable with as he just wasn’t there, he wasn’t close, in fact each day he felt himself slipping further away, yet he did nothing, until now, but he couldn’t tell her the truth, it would destroy her, so instead he went a different route.

 

“Karen, don’t you think that would be too close, it would be like we’re living together, don’t you think it’s too soon.”

 

Karen turned and got closer to him, he saw an anger he’d never seen in her before. “Really, Halpert, like we’re living together. So, the you fucking me part, a lot I might add, that’s fine? Fuck me a lot, but me living down the street is too much? Well that’s just great, I’m so glad I have a boyfriend who is so fucking vested in our relationship, good to know, I only fucking moved here for you, so why wouldn’t you be a dick and tell me that me living in a separate house is too close? Great to hear Halpert, great to hear.” Karen stomped downstairs with her things and left the condo, slamming the door as she left.

 

The next day at work was very cold, at least his interactions with Karen. Michael was back from his vacation, which meant they had to do the inventory today, so not only was it a long day, but Michael was being weirder than normal and Karen wanted to kill him. Jim went to the breakroom to buy a soda, at least in there he wouldn’t have to feel her iciness towards him, he heard soft steps, and then her voice.

 

“Hey.” Pam said as she briefly grinned at him.

 

“Hey.” Of course it was Pam, he wished she could just be mean to him and make his life easier.

 

“You okay?” But no, she couldn’t just make him hate her, she had to be, well, her.

 

“Yeah.” No one would believe that answer, it felt fake and half hearted as he said it.

 

“You sure?” Dammit, he thought, she has to be so nice and caring, this will not be easy.

 

“Yeah.” He finally saw the sincerity in her eyes and heard it in her voice, he couldn’t shut her out like this, she was the best friend he’d ever had, “Yes, I'm just in this, like, stupid fight with Karen.” There he had said it, now things should get awkward”

 

“Oh! You want to talk about it?”

Holy shit, he had not been expecting that, “Really?” They sat down at the table, Jim sighed, here goes he thought, I’ll just tell the truth and see what happens. “So, I don't know, I just feel like we've been dating a few months, right? Same street, I think that might be a little close. A little bit much.” 

 

“What? How far away does she live now, like, 10 minutes?” Pam looked incredulous,

Jim had to grin at his own actions as it sounded ridiculous to him, “Yeah, I guess.”

 

Pam shrugged and smiled kindly at him, “Honestly, I think you should go easy on her.” Jim nodded, she must really not have feelings for him if she was willing to help like that with Karen.

 

Jim smiled at her, “Hey, thanks a lot.”

 

“Oh, don't worry about it. I mean, it's better than listening to Michael play a conch shell, which is what I was doing. Oh, also, Michael went to Jamaica with Jan.”

 

Jim grinned, and it felt great to have interactions with her like before, “Yeah, how have we not talked about this already? I mean, what happened there? Kidnapping?”


	8. Hurting the One You Like (But Don't Love) - Jim, Karen, and hints of Pam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during Traveling Salesmen and The Return, Jim's feelings for Pam are made known to Karen and she is hurt and she and Jim have several nights of long discussions about it. Jim hates himself for hurting Karen so much.

chapter 8

 

She felt so warm, she was tiny, but as she lay next to him, curled up with her head on his arm and her arm wrapped around him, she gave off a lot of heat. He was trying to limit how often they stayed the night at each other’s place, but when they had sex he felt bad for thinking of just leaving afterwards. After Pam’s advice, Karen had been back to her old self. As Jim watched her sleeping, he felt so much guilt, why wasn’t he more vested in their relationship? He really did like her, but he wasn’t in it like he should have been, just being around Pam was causing him to question everything and he hated it, it wasn’t fair to any of them.

 

To say that the next day was weird was understatement, first, Michael, acting on Andy’s kiss ass suggestion, paired everyone up to go out and make sale. Dwight and Jim had made the biggest one by far, and working with Dwight had been fun, they were both competent salesmen, and messing with Dwight, always fun. When Jim got back to the office though, Karen was wearing a butt load of make up with a terrible. hairdo.

 

“Hey, you wanna grab a coffee?” Karen asked, she looked stressed, but she had gotten the world’s worst makeover.

 

“Sure.” Jim replied, smiling, “Look at you.” They walked to the coffee shop, making small talk, talking about the sales they made.

 

When they sat down at their table, Karen frowned, Jim wasn’t sure what was coming, but he was certain it couldn’t be good. Karen swallowed before speaking, “So, let me ask you a question.”

 

“Okay.” Jim replied, worried what she might say.

 

“Did you ever have a thing for Pam?” Oh shit he thought, don’t make a face, don’t do anything, deny, deny, deny, not good can come from this.

 

Jim looked at her and feigned confusion, “Pam? Did I ever have a thing for her? No. Why? Did she say something?” He knew he wasn’t covering it up well, he didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t want Karen opening a big can of worms that only end up hurting all of them.

 

Karen blinked several times, she looked sad, Jim hated himself for making her sad, “I moved here from Connecticut.” She looked like she might be fighting back tears.

 

“Yeah. Okay, here's thething, I had a crush on her before I left, and I told her about it and she didn't feel the same way, so it didn't amount to anything and I left.” He took her hand in his and tried to grin at her, he never wanted to hurt her, he truly like her, none of the mess he was in was her fault, and yet she was the one suffering the most. “I'm really glad you're here. Okay?”

 

“Okay.” Karen finally smiled and squeezed his hand.

 

On the way back into the building, Dwight came back and hugged Jim, Jim was so confused and then as they entered the office, they were told Dwight quit. Jim’s head was spinning, Dwight being gone should have been a fantasy, but Dwight was Dwight, not a monster, not a douche like Andy, just Dwight, he needed to be messed with, but he was a good salesman and made the office interesting.

With Dwight gone, Andy was driving Jim crazy, Karen couldn’t sympathize because she’d worked with him for four years and she was trying to unlock Dwight’s client files on the computer, leaving Jim to prank Andy with Pam. Andy had recorded himself singing all the parts on Rockin Robin for his ringtone and kept playing it, as well as being a bigger ass than normal, and forcing Michael to realize his mistake and get Dwight back. Jim, with Pam’s help, stole Andy’s phone and threw it in the vents above their heads, and he and Pam took turns calling it, driving Andy into an actual rage. When Andy finally lost it, he punched a hole in the wall. Later, as Jim and Pam joked about the result, Jim was astatically happy, and Karen could see it on his face. As Jim sat and ate some of the food for Dwight and Oscar’s return, Karen sat next to him. 

 

Jim could tell she was tense, “Do you still have feelings for her?” 

 

Before Jim could stop himself, he told the truth, she deserved the truth, “yes.” 

 

Karen got up and left the office crying, Jim hated everything about the situation, he obviously still loved Pam, yet nothing was ever going to happen, hurting Karen had never been what he wanted, but he had done it several times. Jim drove straight to his place and walked down the road to Karen’s and knocked, she answered wearing a tank top and shorts, still crying. “Great, Halpert, here to breakup, to tell me I’ll never be as good as Pam?” She walked inside leaving the door open, Jim entered and closed it, walking after her.

 

“Karen, I told you the truth, but nothing will happen, okay? I’m with you, I like being with you, I obviously have issues, but I’m here.”

 

She turned to face him, her eyes red and puffy from crying, “really? Because you have felt distant since we got here, and all I do is let you fuck me and fuck me over, convenient for you, shitty for me.”

 

Jim reached out to her and hugged her, she was limp, not hugging back, but not moving away from him either. “Look, I’ve been distracted, I admit that, but I don’t want to be, let’s talk about this, let’s make it right?”

 

Karen looked up at him and lifted one arm to run her hand through his hair, “really? You, Jim Halpert, want to talk about feelings and relationships?”

 

Jim grinned, “With you? Absolutely I do.”

 

When Jim said talk about things, he had meant it, he wanted to talk, but he and Karen had different opinions as to what that meant. Jim thought it meant hashing some things out, for Karen it was talking about every small detail and not stopping until one of you collapsed from exhaustion. At two in the morning on the first of their five night ordeal, Jim felt like they weren’t making any ground.

 

“I’m sorry, I’ve said that, I never meant to hurt you, I didn’t think I’d still have feelings for her.”

 

Karen was curled up on her sofa, she looked defeated, Jim hated that look in this normally very confident woman, “I know, but what I have to know is why? Why can’t it be in the past?”

 

Jim groaned, “we were just good friends, she was engaged, I told her how I felt, she didn’t, end of story, there’s nothing there.”

 

Karen sat up, “bullshit Jim, I see it, there’s a connection, I need to know, are you sure you want to be with me with her available?”

 

“Yes, Karen, you are the one I’m with, the one I want to be with. When we got together, the first night we slept together, I told you, I warned you.”

 

Karen’s eyes narrowed, “oh, so this is my fault, I was warned you were fucked up so it’s my fault my heart is getting broken at work, good to know.” She slumped down on the couch again.

 

Jim stood up from the recliner and went to the couch, sitting on the edge, he caressed her arm, gently, tenderly, “I am sorry. I do like you, nothing of this is your fault and that’s what hurts me the most and makes me conflicted, I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

Karen looked up at him with tears in her eyes, “The thing is, I like you a lot, and I keep feeling inadequate, like there’s more I should be doing.”

 

Jim leaned down and covered her with his tall frame, he whispered to her, “I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve this, I want to be with you, I won’t leave you.”

 

“We’re not done Jim, I’m just exhausted, will you stay tonight, no sex, just, comfort me, let me know you can be here for me, without the sex.”

 

Jim smiled at her, “of course, I’m not with you for the sex, I like the sex, but I like you.”

 

The next day at work was at least pleasant, but after work the same arguments and questions arose, Jim tried to convince her that he was there for her, but it was difficult, in the end, they fell asleep embracing each other on her bed after one in the morning.

 

On the third night, Karen was no longer yelling, no longer crying, she just wanted to talk about the future. “Can you see yourself being with me in a year? Does that freak you out?”

 

Jim sighed, “Filippelli, I’m doing the best I can, but so much has changed for me in the past year that it’s difficult to know, but I told you, I’m committed to us.”

 

Karen moved over and sat on his lap, “here’s the thing, I like you, a lot, more than a lot, and it sucks to know you are not there, I know you’re trying, but I also know I’m in this more than you, and that’s scary.”

 

Jim nodded, “I know, but I’m doing what I can, I’m still mending, part of that is not jumping in the deep end before I’m ready.”

 

Karen kissed him, “I get that, but I can’t float out there forever waiting for you.”

 

Jim rubbed her back, “you won’t, I’ll get there. I promise you, I want this, I do want us, I want it to work.” Karen kissed him again, this time opening her mouth, as Jim opened his, she took his tongue and sucked, back and forth, she stopped and smiled at him, “What’s up Filippelli?”

 

“I just realized you’ve used your mouth on me, a lot, and I’ve never returned the favor.”

 

Jim looked her in the eyes, “hey, you don’t have to, we’re working things out, I don’t expect anything, okay?”

 

Karen smiled at him as she slipped off his lap and onto her knees on the floor, she stretched out her arms and pulled his shorts and boxers down as he numbly lifted his hips for them to slide down. Karen grinned as licked the entire length of his cock, she then bent down more and tongued his tip, then stroking him up and down with her hand, as he got harder, Karen hollowed her cheeks and took his cock all the way in his mouth, up and down, up and down at a relentless pace, Jim tensed as she sucked harder and took just a little more of him every time.

 

Jim closed his eyes, he didn’t picture Pam, instead he saw his girlfriend, her smile, the many times she cried, he opened his eyes and marveled at the ferocity of her movements, she gently scraped her teeth along it once and that was enough, Jim worried he might hurt her as he bucked up involuntarily and felt himself release into her mouth, Karen sucked harder and longer until Jim almost felt uncomfortable, she tipped her head back and swallowed gently and then smiled at him.

 

“That’s just a thankyou for talking like this, we’re not done, but I’m glad you’re talking to me and trying. Let’s go to bed, tomorrow’s Saturday so we can sleep in and then go get breakfast in Carbondale, my friend said they have a really good café there.”

 

Saturday night they were more relaxed as the talked, Karen was probing more about Pam as she realized without a doubt now that it was Pam who had devastated Jim. “Do you wish I had bigger breasts like hers?”

 

Jim shook his head no, “absolutely not, I’m honestly not shallow like that, I know it’s hard not to doubt me after all we’ve been through, but I swear, with her it was about being best friends and just knowing Roy was not good to her or for.”

 

“Okay, am I not as fun as her?” Karen looked sad again, Jim bowed his head, he felt weak, he was destroying Karen, and it hurt him.

 

“Listen, you are great, I was hung up for a long time, something in my brain that said she and I were perfect for each other, I was wrong, but it’s hard to move on. These past few days, they’ve been tough, but good, they’ve made me realize mistakes I made in the past, but especially that I’m making now. I haven’t been fair to you, and that sucks, I hate seeing what I’m doing to you.”

 

Karen moved over and kissed him, “I’m falling in love with you, Jim, I’m scared, but you’re better than you think, this hasn’t been easy, at all, and yet here you are, I love that about you.”

 

Sunday, they had gone on a bike ride, then they went to a movie, and when they got back to Karen’s place, she sat down on the couch with a concerned look on her face. “I promise, tonight will be last of this, but there is one last thing is eating at me…what if she changed her mind, would you leave me?”

 

Jim’s mind was going a million miles an hour, he hated this question, he was unsure, but how could he tell her that, he looked at her and saw the fear in her eyes, the sadness, he took her face in his hands, “never, we’re together, that’s all I need, okay?”


	9. Sort of Falling in Love is Better Than Falling Apart - Jim, Karen, and some Pam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during Ben Franklin, Phyllis's Wedding, Business School, Cocktails, and the Negotiation. Jim tries to focus on Karen, and then seeing Pam go back to Roy, he realizes he has to move on and starts to think he might be falling in love with Karen.

chapter 9

 

There had been a lot of commotion at the office all day, first Michael used a word he didn’t understand and basically said he was going to deflower Phyllis before her wedding, and then there was going to be a bachelor and bachelorette party at the office. When there was finally a lull in the action, Jim went in the break room to buy a drink, he was yawning a lot, all morning from the five intense nights of couple’s therapy.

 

“Hey! Everything okay?” Jim turned around and Pam stood there, smiling at him.

 

“Oh, yeah.” Jim couldn’t let himself get too comfortable with her, while he would always love the idea of her, she had turned him down and now his obsession with her was hurting Karen, who he truly cared about and he wanted to make things work with her. “Why?”

 

“Well, you seem a little tired.”

 

“Yeah, well, I guess there's been a couple of late nights. Karen and I have been up talking.”

 

“You should get more sleep.” Jim thought she seemed slightly awkward or uncomfortable with the situation, he couldn’t think about though.

 

“Yeah, I know I should.” He nodded and took a drink.

 

“Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep.”

 

“No, I'm sure you're right.” Jim thought she was definitely being awkward now.

 

“When I get eight hours compared to like, six hours, it's like, big difference.”

 

“Really?” Her awkwardness was starting to make him feel uncomfortable, and he worked with Michael.

 

“ Oh, yeah. You've got to get your REM cycle going with the whole sleeping better than not.”

 

“Good advice, Beesly.” He had to get out of there, he couldn’t let her get in his head again.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“See you out there?”

 

“Yeah. Don't fall asleep at your desk!” Jim got out of the break room and went to Karen’s desk and kissed her on the cheek, she had hugged him earlier, the cat was already out of the bag, why not make her feel better, he couldn’t keep hurting her. 

 

That night, as they hung around Karen’s place, they discussed the wedding the next day and how crazy they thought Michael and Dwight would be. Karen smiled at him a lot, he felt better about them, about himself and his treatment of her, he was damaged goods still, he thought, but he thought he was falling in love with her, it wasn’t like with Pam, but he was different now, he heart had been stomped on, so he was weary of falling too fast, too hard.

 

Karen fell asleep nuzzled on his chest as the watched a movie, he smiled every time she would sigh contentedly in her sleep. He caressed her back, he looked at her and marveled at how beautiful she was, and even though he had managed to fuck up so many things in their relationship thus far, she was falling in love with him. He smiled to himself again and thought of things he could do to make her happy, she deserved it.

 

The next day, Phyllis’s wedding did not disappoint. Michael had made an ass of himself, like a thousand times, Jim convinced Dwight to look for real life wedding crashers, and Karen looked amazing, she kept smiling up at him, happy to be with him. Jim did talk with Pam, he told her she should dance so he could see the famous Beesly dance moves, he hated himself for feeling attracted to her again, he wondered if or when he would ever not feel that. He danced with Karen and enjoyed her company, trying to keep Pam out of his thoughts and make Karen feel important, and that’s when he saw it, Pam and Roy, leaving hand in hand, together. He didn’t know why, but that did it, that was the breaking point for him, how could he ever consider Pam when she couldn’t stay away from someone who truly didn’t even understand her, he was honestly thankful, his torment could be over.

 

Towards the end of the reception, Karen got up and sang “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic,” with the band, Jim was impressed and turned on, she was attractive, intelligent, and talented, she was also with him, he smiled and took a deep breath, he was happy, he just needed to not fuck it up, that was his new mantra, don’t fuck it up.

 

When he and Karen got in the car, she started kissing him, then stopped and whispered, “drive over where the lights don’t shine on anything and let’s have a little fun.” She smile seductively at him and he could feel an instant erection straining against his suit pants.

 

Jim took the car over to the darkened area, at first they just made out, then Karen reached down and hit the lever for Jim’s seat to scoot back as far as possible, she quickly undid his pants and stroked his hardened length a few times before smiling and as he watched, she pulled down her underwear and tossed it in the back seat, she pulled up her dress and climbed on Jim, she started kissing him again and then ground him before guiding him in to her sex. Jim was beyond aroused, he was trying to think of anything to not come too soon, he pulled down the top of her dress and her bra and took her breasts in his mouth, she continued to grind back and forth with him inside of her, Karen soon bucked her hips in a big motion and hit her head on the ceiling of the car, they laughed as she kept moving on Jim before came and shouted, “fuck, sweetie, so good, shit, sweetie.”

 

Karen smiled at him, “sweetie?”

 

Jim blushed, “sorry, stupid?”

 

She kissed him, “in public, I hate that kind of stuff, but just you and me, it’s a big turn on, I don’t like letting others in on my private life a lot.

 

Jim nodded, “copy that.”

 

The next week and half, Jim felt himself truly starting to fall for Karen, he had continued to distance himself from Pam since he saw her with Roy, he thought a few times she looked sad or upset, but he couldn’t deal with being just another girlfriend to her, and he had Karen. Since the wedding, they had spent almost every moment together, though he warned her that spring training was starting and he would need some breaks to watch the Phillies. He had only had a few semi-long term relationships, so he had been used to long breaks in between sex, but since being with her, and especially the past week and half, it had been a lot, he was surprised the office didn’t yell at him for smiling too much or that his dick hadn’t emailed him about overtime payments.

 

When Pam announced her art show, Jim had to distance himself, he had always been a big cheerleader for her skills and her art, but he was with Karen and Pam had chosen Roy, again, he had to be the one to do it now. That same day, when they discovered a bat in the office and Dwight went all Dwight on the situation, Karen was more than game to help Jim convince Dwight that Jim had been bitten by the bat and was turning into a vampire. It was the most fun he’d had at work with anyone other than Pam, and that meant a lot to him.

 

That night, as Jim made her come for the second time, she kissed him and then looked shy, “Jim, I love you. I know you may never get there, but I am, so yeah.”

 

Jim kissed her passionately, then pressed his forehead against hers, “sweetie, I’m falling in love with you, I don’t know that I have a healthy idea of what this love shit really means, but yeah, I’m falling in love with you, so don’t feel bad, you’re only a little ahead of me.” Karen smiled and embraced him harder, Jim’s heart was full, he needed this, this was his future, she loved him, she was amazing, and she was there, with him.

 

Jim and Michael were invited to cocktails at the CFO David Wallace’s house, Jim immediately asked Karen to go with him, she smiled and kissed him tenderly as she said yes, him taking her to something like this was huge, especially for him. When they were at the cocktail party, Karen floored Jim when she a played a classic prank on him.

 

She had told him on about ten different occasions that different male attendees might act awkward around her because they had a history, a sexual history. Jim had not cared for the first two, then it seemed crazy, and she wasn’t a big pranker, so he fell for it, and then when she claimed she and David Wallace had a fling, he almost lost it before she started laughing and he realized he’d been had. As he congratulated her, she then played him again telling him he was her first, which he fell for before she laughed again. As Jim shot hoops with David Wallace, he realized how great this woman he was still falling in love with was.

 

After work on the following Monday, Jim was trying to convince Karen that he didn’t want to see a movie and she saw through his crap and knew he just wanted to watch the Phillies game, they were laughing and about to leave when Roy entered the office, he looked crazed, he looked at Pam and then Jim, he yelled, “Hey, Halpert!” Jim didn’t know what was up, but he knew it wasn’t good, but he barely had time to think as the Neanderthal rushed him, Jim had the presence of mind to push Karen out of harm’s way when Roy went down in a bundle of shouts and tears and turned and saw Dwight blinking through the tears of pepper spray he had just unleashed on Roy.

 

“Sweetie, I swear, I’m fine, are you okay?” Jim had already told her at least ten times he was fine as they ate dinner at his place.

 

“I’m fine, I mean, it’s sort of weird, but you and I have obviously worked through that history.”

 

Jim laughed, “if you want to talk, we’ll talk, I’m in this, I promise.”

 

Karen held his hand and squeezed it, “I love you.”

 

Jim gulped, “I love you.” He’d said it, did he mean it? He thought he did, he still felt confusion with the whole Pam thing deep down, but Karen was his future, so he’d said it.

 

Karen stood up and embraced him tightly, “I know that’s not easy for you, and that’s why it means so much to me.” She smiled, “you know how you told me about that catholic school girl fantasy you had as teenager because of the school next to yours, well…I sort of got a little outfit, let’s go to my place and you can tell me how naughty I’ve been.” Jim stood up so quickly he knocked his knee on the table and almost knocked some plates off the table.

 

The rest of the week was crazy, Pam had avoided him, which he got, and it made his life easier, but Friday, when the craziness was already intense with Michael in women’s clothing and making less than Jim made, Pam apologized to him.

 

“Sorry I almost got you killed.” He couldn’t let this affect him, he had to remember why he almost got killed, she got back together with dipshit. 

 

“Yeah. That was nuts.” He wanted to yell at her and ask her what she was thinking, but this wasn’t his problem, they were friends, friends who were drifting apart.

 

“He could have broken your nose or something.” She seemed pained by it all, he didn’t care about himself, he care that she could be so stupid to stay with him for so long, be so miserable and then go back to him.

 

“Crazy.” He knows she’s hurting and he is blowing her off and not taking this as serious as she would like but he can’t help it, what about his pain, then he pictures Karen and it strengthens his resolve.

 

“It's just so stupid. I mean, getting back with Roy and everything. I mean, what I was thinking, right?” He knows Pam, really well, this is Pam hurting, this is Pam pleading, old Jim would have eaten this up and been her comfort, but old Jim’s heart was ripped out and then she, not Jim, but she Pam, chose to get back with Roy. This wasn’t his job anymore, to be her friend, to ease her conscience and listen to her problems with her jackass of a boyfriend or whatever they were or would be.

 

“No, I mean, you guys really seem to have a strong connection.” He knew the words would sting her, but he was beyond truly caring, he had been forced to move on.

 

“Not anymore. It's completely over now.” He could feel her pain, he knew she was on the brink of tears, but he put it out of his mind and focused on his life now, his relationship with Karen.

 

“We'll see. I'm sure you guys will find your way back to one another someday.” Jim hated himself for that one, that was cold, but it also felt good for all the wrong reasons.

 

“Jim. I am really sorry.” If he didn’t get out of there soon he would be hugging her and screw up with Karen, again.

 

“Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it.” He left the break room and wanted to slap himself, who had he become, he felt so conflicted, every time he thought he was breaking away from her hold, something happened, but this time, he hurt for knowing he hurt her. He walked over to Karen’s desk and they talked about Pam’s apology, when Pam came back, he knew she’d been crying, he took a deep breath and forced the guilt out of his mind, he’d handed her his heart and she said no.


	10. Cold Shoulders, Regret, and Confusion - Jim, Karen, and some Pam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim acts somewhat cold towards Pam only to regret it while trying to stay committed to Karen. Takes place before and after the episodes, Safety Training, Product Recall, and Women's Appreciation.

chapter 10

 

“I’m so sorry, this is so lame, you had awesome plans for us, and I’m sick. I’m not throwing up, but my throat hurts, and my nose is gross.” Karen blew her nose and smiled somewhat pathetically.

 

“Sweetie, it’s okay, we’ll change plans, you stay here, I’m going to get us some movies, one action, one rom com and I’ll make soup for the sick one.”

 

Karen kissed his cheek, “thank you, you’re pretty damn sweet.”

 

Jim gently caressed her cheek, “hey, I told you, I love you, this is nothing, it’s called being nice, not to mention getting away from the germs.” Jim ducked as she threw an empty box of Kleenex at him.

 

“I love you too,” She coughed a few times, “I just hope I’m still alive.”

 

Jim kissed the top of her head, “I better hurry then.”

 

Jim drove to Gerrity’s, he preferred the discount supermarket, but Gerrity’s was closer and had a Redbox, he quickly rented the Holiday and Casino Royale and put them in his coat pocket, he then ran inside and grabbed a cart. He rushed to the produce section and got a few carrots and a stalk of celery, as he was walking down the aisle with soups, he was reaching for some chicken stock when he heard his name, he turned and saw Pam.

 

“Oh, hey Pam.” He grabbed one more chicken stock and then looked at her, she looked nervous, sad even. It hurt him to not be her friend, but they had both made choices, he owed Karen his loyalty. “Just grabbing some things to make soup for Karen, she’s still got a cold and we were supposed to go Posh tonight, but we canceled.”

 

Pam nodded slightly, “oh, I hear that place is really nice. Sorry she’s not feeling well.”

 

“Yeah, it’s a cold, a miserable one, I told her I’m suing if I get a cold, she’s been making me spend the night..um, sorry.”

 

Pam chuckled softly, “it’s okay, you guys are dating, it’s what people do.”

 

“Yeah, you know, just awkward to say around work people.” He watched her face as he said work people instead of friends, knowing that it hurt her.

 

“What about you Pam, no hot dates these days?”

 

Pam shook her head, “no, you know, I made a mistake and dated Roy, I guess all the good guys are taken.”

 

Jim wondered what she meant, but then pushed it from his mind, “well, I better finish up, I told her I’d hurry.”

 

“You’re wrong about me Jim, I won’t go back to Roy.” Jim was going to respond, but before he could, she turned around and was gone. As he paid for his groceries, he pushed the guilt out of his mind, they weren’t really even friends anymore, things couldn’t be the same anymore.

 

When Jim got back to Karen’s, she was asleep, he quietly went into the kitchen, he chopped the chicken and vegetables, then boiled the chicken in the stock, adding some parsley and garlic. When he went back in the living room, Karen was sitting up, “it smells good in here Jim, thank you.”

 

“My pleasure snotty,” he noticed Karen was searching for something to throw, “just kidding. I got the Holiday and Casino Royale, I’m guessing the Holiday?”

 

“Yeah, but only because the first ten minutes of Casino Royale gave me a headache in the theater, so who knows what it would do to me now.”

 

As they watched the movie, Jim sighed contentedly as he felt Karen’s thumb rubbing absentmindedly on his hand, in little circles. When Karen fell asleep halfway through, he lifted her in his arms, “Jim, what’s going on?”

 

Jim kissed her cheek, “I’m taking you to bed, you’re exhausted, and I’m tired too. You need to get better so I’m not alone at work, Andy’s supposed to come back this week, and Dwight has been extra Dwightish lately.”

 

As Jim laid her gently on the bed, he kissed her again. Karen looked up at him, “You shouldn’t be too bad, Pam is there.”

 

“Sweetie, I’ve told you, she and I, not even great friends anymore. I actually saw her at the store tonight.” Jim climbed in on the other side of the bed.

 

“Oh yeah? Must be hard after breaking up with Roy, again.”

 

“I’m sure she’ll go back, he’s always been a jerk, and she knew it, so who knows, but honestly, that’s not my concern, I had to listen to her complain all the time and she did nothing. It was like that Lifetime movie you made me watch, but without the abuse.”

 

Karen hit him, “be nice, and the point of watching that movie was that it was terrible, that’s why we played a drinking game.”

 

Two days later, Karen was at her place, taking a sick day, Jim wanted to stay with her, but he had an important client meeting. As he entered the office, Pam was already there on a call, she waved sheepishly and Jim felt the guilt in the pit of his stomach start to bother him, but he had become well practiced at ignoring that when it came to Pam.

 

When Jim returned from his client meeting in the afternoon, Pam was seated bent over sniffing with her head in her hands, a small pile of Kleenex next to her. He had intended to simply pass by and return to his desk when all of a sudden, the old Jim, the one who loved Pam Beesly stepped behind reception and walked up to her, “Hey, Beesly, you okay?”

 

Pam lifted her head and shook it sadly, her eyes red from crying. Jim felt a lump in his throat, he hated to see this, cheering up sad Pam had once been his favorite pastime, but that was another time. “You wanna talk about it, in the break room or away from everyone one?” Pam looked at him for a second, considering him, she nodded first, then weakly added, “yeah, out by the elevators.”

 

Pam switched the phones to voicemail and walked out of the office, followed by Jim, she stopped after they passed by the elevators in a little area that was almost never visited by office people. She looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears again, “I got a call from Roy’s mom today. She really hates me. I guess the news got to her about our kiss, but she called me and gave me hell, blaming me for Roy’s issues and for not loving him like I should have. Been a rough morning, but I just needed to say it, I mean, we’re just coworkers, right?” She turned to walk away when he gently placed a hand on her arm, stopping her.

 

“Beesly, listen, I’ve been kind of a dick, I know, you know Roy is my least favorite person, aside from war criminals and dictators, but besides them, he’s up there, but you are a good person, you put up with so much, you know I thought you were crazy for it, Roy’s family is just pissed because now they’re stuck babysitting his dumb ass.”

 

Pam offered a crooked smile, her eyes still red, “thanks, Jim, I don’t think you’re a dick, I know…I hurt you, I’m sorry.”

 

“Pam, you aren’t responsible for my feelings, I…” Jim’s sentence was interrupted by his phone, “oh shit, this is Karen, I told her I’d answer every time she called.”

 

Pam smiled weakly, “It’s okay, thanks for talking to me.” Jim sighed deeply as he watched Pam walk away.

 

“Hey Sweetie, how’re you feeling.” He hoped his words didn’t feel as empty as he felt.

 

“I’m good, I’ll be better when you’re back, I’m feeling crappy, but better.”

 

Jim closed his eyes and forced his concentration and feelings back onto Karen, “you know what, I’ll be home in a half hour, I’ll get out now, call for take out from The Casa Bella, I know it’s not as good as your New York Italian, but it’s the best here. How’s that sound?”

 

“Sounds great, I love you.”

 

“I love you too sweetie, I’ll see you soon.”

 

As Jim left he thought he heard a sound, had he gone back he would have seen Pam sitting on the ground in a little nook, trying to stop crying, but she lost it when she heard him tell Karen he loved her. Jim quickly hurried home to Karen not knowing his effect on Pam.

 

The next day, when Jim and Karen entered the office Pam was smiling and perky with them as they entered, Jim didn’t know it, but she was determined to be a good friend to him when he was with Karen since Jim was her greatest support when she was with Roy, they may not be the friends they were, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be a friend to him.

 

That day was also safety training, Jim was loving it, placing bets and making money on crazy things. Karen wasn’t happy as she lost a bunch of money betting on office habits. When Michael finally had his feelings hurt enough and staged a demonstration on the roof, Jim and Pam were having a great time questioning Michael and Dwight, and then trying to save Michael’s stupid life as he threatened to jump from the roof. Karen didn’t question Jim for hanging out with Pam since Jim had proven his loyalty and love to her.

 

A week later, both Pam and Karen were cracking up when Jim came into work dressed like Dwight, the mustard yellow shirt, the calculator watch, the glasses, the tie, and even a bobble head just like one of Dwight’s. Karen and Pam even managed to joke together about Dwight that day, but all of that was about to change.

 

A week and half after the dress like Dwight prank, a flasher exposed himself to Phyllis. Everyone had been disgusted with Michael’s behavior and reaction, like always, but then he had whisked all the women of the office to the mall to buy them something and talk to them, and like everything at Scranton Dunder Mifflin, it became all about Michael and his issues, this time, about Jan.

 

That evening as Jim and Karen ate dinner at Ipanema Grill, Karen started her barrage of insults on Pam. “Look, she had it bad with Roy, I get it, but she thinks everyone should give up on slightly difficult relationships now if they suck at all, I just thought he should at least try to make it work, but the secretary convinced him he should end it, so he ended it, don’t get me wrong, Jan’s insane.”

 

Jim laughed at her comments, while he carefully planned what he would say, knowing that agreeing with Pam could set off alarms in Karen, which he desperately wanted to avoid, and he knew agreeing with Pam that bailing out on difficult relationships would hurt her as their own relationship had its own downs, for sure. “She is insane, but should Michael Scott be breaking up with any female willing to date him, history says no.”

 

Karen laughed and rubbed his inner thigh with her hand, “I know! If it was a normal person, leave, but him, no fucking way, he’ll never find someone else!”

 

Jim felt pangs of guilt that night as his thoughts turned to Pam as he thrust in and out of Karen. While he stood behind her stimulating her clit with his hand and caressing her breast with his other hand, he could have sworn he heard Pam’s voice screaming in pleasure, not Karen’s, he tried to drive it from his mind, he was committed, he had told Karen he loved her, he couldn’t back away from this.


	11. Beach Games and Beyond - Jim, Karen, and morePam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A more in depth look at the conversations at beach games and things that happened as well the drama and pain from the episode, The Job and Jim's decision to end things with Karen to ask out Pam.

“Can’t we just call in sick today? It’s going to be so terrible, I’m warning you, the hilariousness will be outweighed by the inappropriateness and severe awkwardness, Michael will hijack the entire day with bullshit, be warned.” Jim stood in the doorway of the bathroom and Karen brushed her teeth wearing only a pair of Jim’s shorts, he sighed as he looked at her, she was beautiful, he thought he loved her, and yet, he still knew that his heart belonged, truly belonged to someone else and he didn’t know if he could ever forgive himself for that.

 

“C’mon Halpert, I’ll give you a handjob on the bus and a blowjob at the beach, to make it worth your while.”

 

Jim shook his head smiling, “that’s not necessary, my concerns were not sexual in nature but rather based in years of experience and impending therapy to deal with the Michael Scott method of managing and manipulation.”

 

Karen spit out again and faced him, grinning as she noticed him taking in her breasts, “Dude, we have to go. End of story, we’ll be okay.”

 

Jim shrugged, “Okay, but I warned you and I told you so, so at the end of the day, when you will need therapy and amounts of alcohol that cannot be consumed in one lifetime, remember my warning and be haunted by it for all time.”

 

On the bus, on the way to the lake, everyone was singing along to different songs when Karen placed a towel over their laps and snaked her hand under the towel and into Jim’s shorts and stroked him as he looked horrified at first, and then thankful that he and Karen were seated the most forward on the bus. Pam was seated five rows behind with Andy. Jim was grateful everyone was looking at Michael with looks of derision on their faces as he sang a song like people of different races, so they didn’t notice when he came and was red faced and breathing hard. Karen withdrew her hand and licked his cum from her hand and smiled at him, Jim didn’t know what to think, he was turned on and yet very uncomfortable for his sex life mixing with his office life.

 

He and Karen enjoyed the day, ignoring Michael and his comments about how he would get the job at corporate and that he would choose his successor from the results of the beach games.

 

“I’m telling you Jim, we should both interview and see what happens, Wallace loves you.”

 

“Okay, I’ll do this, let’s call and make appointments.”

 

Later in the night, when Michael told Jim he wouldn’t be manager, Jim enjoyed telling him that he would interviewing for the job himself and how Michael thought he had the job locked up when he and Karen knew he would screw it up, somehow. Jim was pissed at Michael when he tried to force people to walk on the hot coals and couldn’t do it himself. Michael was lecturing them on not taking his idiotic games seriously when Pam ran up to the group.

 

“Hey. I wanna say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately, and I just need to say a few things. I did the coal walk, I just did it. Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss. Wow, I feel really good right now. Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. Jim, I called off my wedding because of you, and now we're not even friends, and things are just, like, weird between us, and that sucks, and I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford, and I really miss you, I shouldn't have been with Roy, and there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding, but the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you, and now you're with someone else, and that's fine, it's whatever, that's not what I'm…I'm not Okay, my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jim, and to everyone else in the circle, I guess, is that I miss having fun with you.

Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay, I am gonna go walk in the water now, yeah, it’s a good day.”

 

Jim was left with his mouth hanging open, he could feel the gaze of nearly everyone in the circle, especially Karen and then Angela as she turned and just stared at him. He felt numb, Michael continued to babble on about something, he no longer cared, he was pretty sure he didn’t care about anything anymore, this was the opportunity or sign he’d waited for but was afraid to hope for, and now, Karen. He couldn’t do this to Karen, he cared for her, a lot, and he thought he really did love her, but he was conflicted and tormented by his past obsession with Pam.

 

Michael said something offensive and everyone was yelling at him, Jim took the mayhem as an opportunity to talk to Pam. He saw her soaking her feet, standing in the lake. He walked up to her, trying not to think about what he would do if he weren’t with Karen.

 

“How are your feet?” He hated how cute she looked, her sweatshirt and her capri pants.

 

Pam smiled up at him, “Medium rare. Thanks.”

Jim took a deep breath and spoke slowly, “The real reason that I went to Stamford was because I wanted to be Not here.” 

 

Pam nodded sympathetically, ”I know.”

 

Jim kept going, trying to be a friend to Pam without being unfaithful in any way to Karen. “And even though I came back, I just feel like I've never really come back.”

 

Pam smiled sadly at him, “Well, I wish you would.”

 

Jim chuckled, “I’m sorry things have been weird, I didn’t know how to act, I had to leave, I loved you, a lot, and I thought the idea of us was never going to happen, and that may have been stupid, but I can’t do this to Karen.”

 

Pam nodded sadly, but trying to smile, “I know Jim, I should have done things differently, from the beginning, but I didn’t, you waited a long time to tell me your truest feelings even thought I suspected, it took hearing it and knowing I didn’t truly love him to act on it.”

 

“Shitty timing, eh?”

 

Pam reached out and touched his arm, “I just want us to be friends again, I had slash have feelings for you, I always will, but I understand. You were my best friend.”

 

Jim hung his head, “Pam, look, you were my best friend, ever, everything sucked, I didn’t handle the rejection well, and took things nuclear, but things aren’t what they were, but I do want to be your friend, a good friend, you will always be so important to me.”

 

Pam took a few steps and hugged him, Jim hugged her back, “Thanks Jim, sorry it took three years to summon the courage.”

 

Jim laughed, “I wasn’t any better, but I’m glad you said something, we are friends, we will always be friends.”

 

After Jim went back to the new group, Karen questioned him about Pam, he told her he just talked to her and told her they were friends, he assured Karen he was happy to be with her. He pulled her close and kissed her, which she knew was a big deal to do in front of everyone. Michael started yelling, again, “the bus leaves in thirty minutes buttholes.”

 

Karen took Jim by the hand and led him to the darkest spot of the beach, where no one was, most were going to the bus, Karen sat on the sand and pulled Jim down, “what’s going on Filippelli?”

 

She smiled up at him, “I’m going to fuck you on the beach, so the best memory of beach day, is this.”

 

Jim felt his mouth go dry, “Karen, it’s not necessary, I promise you, I love you, we’re together.”

 

Karen yanked his shorts down and the pulled her own down, with her underwear, “I want this Jim, I love you, and I need this, it might seem stupid, but I need it.”

 

Before Jim could protest, she grabbed his hardening cock and took it in her mouth, Jim groaned and before he knew what was going on, Karen sank her moist center down on his length and started moving up and down and then back and forth, moving herself faster and faster on him. She then reached her hands under his t-shirt and scratched his chest, “Jim, fuck me hard, I need to feel you, I need to feel you fuck me, fuck my pussy like it was the only thing you’ve ever wanted.”

 

Jim looked at the desire in her eyes, he knew she loved him, a lot, it hurt him to not be in the same spot romance wise, but he did have strong feelings, Jim pushed her down on the sand and positioned himself so they were both on their sides and he started to thrust harder then he had ever thrust before, kissing and biting Karen’s neck and ears as he did so, Karen groaned, trying to keep it quiet, “oh fuck, Jim, I’m going to come, so fucking hard.”

 

Jim continued to thrust and kiss with abandon, even aroused, Karen felt so tight around his cock, the scent of her arousal filing the air, he continued to thrust as Karen moaned and groaned and then bucked her hips back. “Fuck, Jim, so fucking good.”

 

As Jim felt her contract and then relax, while he continued to thrust, he got her to her knees while continuing to thrust from behind. His thrusts felt tighter and tighter, he could feel the pressure building up, and as he pumped, he felt Karen contract around his cock again, she started swearing and encouraging him, but all he could concentrate on was his own release as he came in her. They both collapsed and caught their breath and then quickly dressed to return to the bus. They were both glad that Creed got on the bus after them and that Andy was missing and hadn’t been seen for a while.

 

The next day, Michael named Dwight as his successor, still sure the job was his, even though several people were interviewing for it. Karen had gone on a little about not appreciating Pam’s comments, saying that she knew they were just friends. Karen suggested they leave work early and go to New York early to spend the evening there in a hotel and have some fun. Jim agreed, and was glad to leave since Andy insisted on calling him big haircut because of his new neater haircut. 

 

As he and Karen checked into their hotel in New York, Karen was smiling, once they closed the door to their room, she immediately started kissing him and taking off his clothes, Jim had never complained about or disliked sex with Karen, but he often felt she used it to try and convince him she was the one, it made him feel guilty, like he pushed her to that, and yet he couldn’t resist her, there were times now when he almost dreaded sex because of the guilt associated with it as he felt responsible for Karen’s insecurities and fears.

 

After sex, they dressed and went out for a night on the town. They went to several hip spots Karen enjoyed, impressing Jim who by himself wouldn’t go out in Scranton a lot, but was now hitting New York hotspots. He and Karen argued about whether he had seen Lorne Michaels at a club, as they were about to cross the street, Karen looked at him with concern.

 

“So, what's going to happen with us when I get this job?”

 

Jim smiled back at her, “Oh, you mean, when I get the job?”

 

Karen smiled at him, with a hint of sadness and trepidation, “Well, if you get the job, then I'd move here with you. Would you move with me? I'm not stupid, okay? I was at the beach, we don't have a future in Scranton, there's one too many people there.” Her face betrayed the worry she always felt with Jim, that he could leave her so easily and break her heart and the love she felt for him.

 

Jim offered a grin, “You mean, Kevin?”

 

Karen returned his grin but still seemed nervous, “Exactly. No, but you get it, right? I can't stay there.”

 

Jim looked at her and saw the face of the woman who had stayed with him through his struggles and confusion over his feelings for her and Pam, “Yeah, I do. Come on.” Jim took her by the hand and they crossed the street and went back to their hotel for a repeat performance.

 

The next morning, as the two of them waited for their appointment, Michael did not fail to impress with his idiotic and inappropriate comments about Jan’s enlarged breasts and his confidence in getting the job. Jim was fairly tired as Karen had initiated a third time the night before and a morning session as they woke up before their interviews. Karen went back for her interview after Michael, she came back with a huge story about Jan’s insanity and Michael’s idiocy, then they both witnessed Jan being escorted out by security and David Wallace and Michael being told he would not get the job. Neither one could believe the insanity of the situation. Jim told Karen she should go, and she thanked him since she wanted to meet some friends for lunch before she met back up with him, as it was Friday and they had the rest of the weekend ahead of them.

 

When Jim entered his interview he felt confident, David Wallace seemed to almost be offering him the job as they interviewed, and then it happened. Jim opened his folder with his reports Pam had prepared and he saw the medal from the office Olympics she had made along with a note that read: “Don’t forget us when you’re famous. Pam.” His mind went back to their conversation the night at the beach. In the middle of an important interview, Jim realized what he had been fighting with for months now, he loved Pam, he had never stopped. He turned down the job telling David Wallace he had to stay for personal reasons.

 

Before he left corporate, he texted Karen to meet him at Pulitzer Fountain after she finished, he would be waiting for him. Jim knew he would hurt her, but he knew he couldn’t continue to live a lie when he loved Pam and would probably never stop loving her, which in the end would devastate Karen the longer he waited.

 

Jim waited for ten minutes before he saw Karen, she ran over to him and then almost immediately noticed that something was wrong, which she assumed was with the interview. “Halpert, how bad did it go?”

 

Jim took a deep breath, “It actually went well, but I can’t do this anymore. Karen, you’re great, but I’m in love with Pam, I’ve been in love with her, it sucks and it’s been unfair to you, and I am truly sorry, but I can’t do this to you.”

 

Karen hit his arm and started to cry, “bullshit, Halpert, bullshit, you may love her somewhat, but you kept fucking me, I love you! She left you hanging, I am here, I moved for you! Fuck, I said I’d move again! I love you, you said you loved me!” Karen sobbed as she hit his arm again.

 

Jim spoke softly but clearly, “Karen, I am sorry, I haven’t been fair with you, and it is one of the biggest regrets of my life, I truly apologize, but this is what I have to do.”

 

Karen cried harder, “whatever, go to her then, but we’re done, don’t come trying to fuck me again when she breaks your heart, for like a fourth time! I loved you, I would have married you! Fuck you!”

 

Jim couldn’t handle the scene at fountain and he left as she screamed at him, he ran to where he parked his car and drove to Scranton as fast as he could, as he drove his emotions were mixed, guilt for how he had dealt with Karen and excitement for even the possibility of something special with Pam.

 

When he burst in the Scranton office, everyone was bummed Michael was back but relieved Dwight wasn’t in charge, when he saw Pam was in the conference room, he opened the door, she was talking to the cameras, “Sorry. Are you free for dinner tonight?” He felt nervous, this had been years in the making.

Pam gulped and then smiled at him, “Yes.”

Jim felt a surge of confidence, “All right, Then it's a date.” He left the conference room and went to her station and left her a note, telling her the time of their date and he left to make preparations.


	12. The First Date : Part One - Jim and Pam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim's preparations for his and Pam's real first date and their first stops and discussions on the date.

Jim was smiling, he was feeling good about things as he started making preparations for their date, and then he got a text.

 

Pam: Hey, excited for this, but I have an uncomfortable question

 

Jim: No, you cannot bring Michael, that’s a deal breaker

 

Pam: Ha ha, but seriously, are you and Karen together?

 

Jim: Beesly, of course not, I broke up with her, I realized I was still in love with someone else

 

Pam: Did you love her?

 

Jim: Wow, these are some heavy texts, can you call me?

 

Jim’s phone sounded, “Beesly, I know things are tough, but sort of like you and a former warehouse worker, I realized I wasn’t with the right person, I tried, I tried to love her, I feel bad, but at the end of the day, I would never feel for her what I feel for you.

 

“Wow, that’s a lot of pressure, but I get it. I just never wanted anyone to get hurt.”

 

Jim sighed, “I know, but you and I both went on unhappy with other people, so we end up hurting ourselves and them, I just decided it was time to give us a try. Are you okay with that?”

 

He thought he could hear Pam cry, “yes, it’s what I’ve wanted, but like I said, a lot of pressure.”

 

“Pam, I know you, I know you better than I know anyone else, you are my best friend, you are my favorite person, I’ve seen your temper, I’ve seen your dorky dance moves, and I’ve watched you with someone that was wrong for you, so I know, that if I don’t give it a chance, I will regret it for the rest of my life.”

 

“Yeah, me too, but what if it doesn’t work out.”

 

“Whoa, Beesly, I’m focused on tonight, one day at a time. Let’s see how tonight goes, and then we can scare ourselves with thoughts of the future.”

 

“Okay, you’re right. I really am happy Jim, it just sucks that the path to one date has hurt other people.”

 

“I know, but if we’re unhappy with other people, we’re not being fair to them either, divorce is even uglier.”

 

“Okay, you said you’re picking me up at five?”

 

“Yes, is that okay?”

 

“Absolutely it is.”

 

Jim laughed, “see you at five Beesly.”

 

“You better be on time, first impressions go a long way with me.”

 

“You got it.”

 

Jim pulled into his driveway and ran in the house, as he scrambled around picking up a few things, he called Mark.

 

“Jim, what’s up, I haven’t talked to you in a while, with your new lady friend.”

 

“She and I broke up today.”

 

“Sorry to hear, you need to get a beer?”

 

Jim chuckled, “um, no, I’m seeing Pam tonight, I finally realized I couldn’t hold a grudge, I’m still in love with her, so I asked her out, after I broke up with Karen. We’re going out tonight. Does Nikki’s sister still work at Posh? Because I need a big favor.”

 

Mark laughed, “she does, what time do you want? She actually owes me a favor, I got her boyfriend a job working at my office.”

 

“Sweet, seven thirty, I’m taking her to a few places first.”

 

“I can’t believe you two are finally going out, it seemed like a no brainer when I met her at your party. God, that seems like years ago now.”

 

Jim sighed, “I know, but it was necessary, I needed, she needed it.”

 

“How’d the break up go?”

 

“It sucked, I hated to hurt her, but I will never feel for her what I do for Pam. I should have done it earlier, but I was trying to convince myself I wasn’t in love with her still.”

 

“I’m happy for you, can I tell Alan, he’s been telling me for months you need to bite the bullet and ask out Pam.”

 

Jim laughed, “yeah, and also tell him to be good to my sister or Tom, Pete, and I are going to hurt him.”

 

“Will do, seven thirty, be there, I’ll let you know if it can’t happen, but like I said, she owes me big.”

 

“Thanks Mark, bye.”

Jim changed into his lucky khaki pants and a sport coat Karen convinced him to buy because he looked hot in it, he felt a pang of guilt but smiled when he thought of Pam. He grabbed his wallet and keys and ran to his car. He drove to the florist down the street and ran inside, the florist smiled as Jim ordered three dozen flowers and a huge teddy bear.

 

Jim pulled into the Dunder Mifflin Parking lot, and took the elevator to the third floor, but didn’t go into the office, instead he went into Vance Refrigeration and paid Gino and Leo twenty bucks a piece to set up the flowers, teddy bear, and some chairs on the roof. Jim glanced at his watch, four forty-five, he ran down the stairs to his car to avoid Stanly on the elevator leaving early. He grabbed the last items and then made his way back to the roof.

 

At five on the dot, he called the office phone, “Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.”

 

“Pam, this is Jim, I need you to come up to the roof for phase one of our date.”

 

“The roof? Jim are you cheaping out and making another sandwich?”

 

“No, I am not, but I still need you here.”

 

Three minutes later, a confused Pam appeared on the roof, “Jim?”

 

Jim was seated in a chair next to three vases, one of yellow roses, on of yellow lilies, and one of red roses, with the teddy bear behind them. Jim motioned for her to come sit next to him. As she sat, he took her hand in his, she didn’t shrink or get nervous, it felt natural to both of them, he took a second to take in her look of surprise and affection.

 

Jim took a deep breath before speaking, “Pam, before we start being us, we have to admit that errors or mistakes were made, by both of us, but I don’t see the need to address those anymore, but this is my way of making up for not telling you how I truly felt earlier. These are gifts for each of the four Valentines days I could have possibly spent with you had I been truthful. I don’t need apologies, I don’t need to talk about it, I just need you to know that you are all I have ever wanted, your intelligence, your talents, your humor, your kindness, I knew from the first day I met you, and even though I tried to convince myself otherwise, I have always known it.

 

Their first kiss had taken place beneath them and changed everything, Jim left and dated Karen while Pam called off her wedding and started anew, but their second kiss would change everything as it was the beginning of them. Pam cupped his cheeks in her hands, she whispered thank you and then kissed him, they started softly at first, but then as each of them had the events of their time together as friends, the intensity picked up as Pam was the first to explore Jim’s mouth with her tongue, at first gently, and then harder as her emotions and feelings for him poured out, Jim pulled her closer, one hand behind her head in her hair.

 

Jim pulled back smiling, he took her hand in his again, Pam smiled back, a single tear streaking down her cheek as she looked at him. “So, these items, we can pick up at the end of our date, I got the security code to get in. Leo at Vance sneaks in here all the time, so he gave it to me for twenty bucks. We have reservations at Posh at seven thirty, my old roommate Mark has connections there, but in the meantime, I want to take to you to a few place where I should have told you how I felt. The roof is the first.” Pam hugged him again, tears in her eyes as the frustrations the two had felt for each other were now seemingly evolving into whatever lay ahead of them.

 

“How did you do this? You just ended things with Karen today?”

 

Jim smiled at her, “Beesly, I know you, we have a history, it’s why I knew today, that I had to act, that nothing else would make me happy. I thought of some of it while I drove, and then when we texted and talked, the rest came to me, this is our way of starting together while acknowledging the past without dwelling in it, if that makes sense?”

 

Pam kissed him tenderly, “it makes perfect sense.”

 

The two of them descended the ladder and took the stairs down, making sure no one saw them, trying to avoid awkward comments, or as Jim pointed out, worse than normal awkward comments since between Michael and Kevin, they had like three lifetimes worth of sexual harassment complaints stored up.

 

They made small talk and joked around as they drove to the first location, Pam looked around as she got out of the car and saw the dry cleaners and the creepy diner no one seemed to eat at, and then she saw it, the dojo where Michael and Dwight had battled, and where Jim made Pam uncomfortable.

 

“Beesly, the dojo, where I tickled and picked you up and you felt uncomfortable, this is yet another place where I should I have told you how I felt, why I wanted to pick you up, why I felt so comfortable with you. I’m not like that with most people, but we connected so quickly, hour senses of humor, we just seemed to understand one another.”

 

This time Pam took his hand in hers, she looked up at him shyly, “this is when I first knew I had some feelings for you, more than just great friends, I got so upset and overreacted because I liked it, too much, and I didn’t like myself for that. God, I was so attached to my plans, marrying Roy despite everything.”

 

Jim embraced her, and then surprised her by picking her up again, like he had that day nearly two years earlier. “Pam, I like you, a lot.” He set her down, she was smiling at him, shaking her head, he smiled back, “there, another past failure remedied.”

 

As they drove to the next location, Jim held her hand as he drove, and Pam leaned over and rest her head on his shoulder, amazed at how perfect she thought it felt, that it never felt this way with Roy, and he wasn’t so skinny like Jim, but this, it felt right. As they continued to drive, Pam was confused about their next destination.

 

“Where are you taking me now Halpert? Burying the body after all the pain I caused?” She joked, but a hint of sadness lingered in her gaze.

 

Jim glanced at her, he shook his head, “Pam, I was angry, but I was also stupid, we both needed to find our way to each other, it took time. You are still you, but you are the you I always knew you could be, independent, standing up for yourself and using your awesome artistic talent. I needed to be with Karen to know that even though she was great, that no one else could claim what was yours?”

 

Pam squinted her eyes at him in confusion, “what was mine?”

 

Jim chuckled very softly, “my heart, it was yours since the day I met you. I tried, fuck Pam, I tried, but it was yours and it kept calling me back.”

 

Pam undid her seatbelt and knelt towards Jim as she kissed his neck and the side of his face. Jim finally put out his arm, “Beesly, buckle up and you’ll kill us both, that was very distracting, very appreciated, but these roads are curvy.”

 

Pam sat back down and buckled up again, “Jim, I just today came to peace with us, as friends, but I think what I really did was come to peace with how we hurt each other, you’re right, it had to happen. I needed to know I was the one for you, but I also needed to find out who I was again. It hurt to see you with Karen, a lot, but right when I would get angry, I remembered what you went through seeing me with Roy. And I realized, that was harder, at least with Karen, she was good, she was fun, Roy, he was so wrong for me, but he was all I knew, and I was scared to leave it.”

 

Jim place his hand on her leg, “all in the past, we have one last place to visit, and then we can start new, as us, leaving all this crap behind us, but the thing is, my mom used to have a cheesy line she’d feed her kids when we got down or thought life was unfair. She’d say that the crap, was necessary, like the fertilizer on the fields, it wasn’t pleasant, but it made the results better, the crops, flowers or whatever. I remember one time, I told her that didn’t make sense, she got really mad and finally shouted that we had to go through the shit to get to the good parts, and that’s true.”

 

Pam gasped when she saw the sign for the lake, the very lake where the Booze Cruise had been, and Jim had wanted to tell her something, she knew what it was, but she was scared, and then Roy got so drunk he finally agreed to set a date for the wedding. “Jim, no, we don’t have to go here, I was so stupid, so scared.”

 

Jim nodded, “and so was I, I brought Katy because I thought she could take my mind off of you, but that failed miserably, all I saw was a reminder of how she paled in comparison to everything I loved about you.”

 

Pam looked at him, again the shy look returned, a hint of fear and uncertainty, “love?”

 

Jim sighed and nodded again, “yeah, Beesly, love. I knew, but I was so scared and uncertain. We both were, I used to place so much blame on you, but we both were, we saw what we wanted and let it dangle in front of us. I need the lake to tell you what I should have then.”

 

As they approached the parking lot for the lake, Jim parked the car, and held both of Pam’s hands in hers. He looked at her, with a look that almost scared Pam as much as it delighted her, she knew that look, she had seen it in him before and just like before, it made her uncertain if she was good enough for that look, but then she thought of what they had both been through, and the many changes she had made.

 

“Beesly, I know you’re with Roy, again, this is back then Jim’s words, but I’m in love with you. I have been in love with you. I know you have some similar feelings, and I know it’s scary, but I would do anything to be with you, to see your smile and hear your laughter outside of work, to have my hand be the one you hold, to have my shoulder be the one you cry on. I can’t just be your friend Jim anymore, it’s too much to take when I feel the way I do.”

 

Pam’s tears were running freely now, she took his face in her hands and brought it down, so she could kiss him, trying to release in the kiss the many feelings she had hidden for so long but now longed to release and hold on to in a different way. “God, you’re a dork and adorable all at once, but I love that about you. Jim, I’m scared, I know I’m in love with you as well, but it’s a lot of pressure.”

 

Jim sighed but grinned, “I kind of know what you mean, what if we date on the down low, we tell no one else, we either go to eat away from the others or just hang at our places, assuming that you, Pamela Beesly, would like to date me.”

 

Pam kissed him again, her hands almost hurting him as the grabbed onto his hair to give her the intensity she desired. Jim pulled back a minute later, “wow, that was, wow, but I will need verbal confirmation on the dating thing.”

 

Pam shook her head while her hands were up and clasped behind his neck, “yes, James Halpert, I will date you, on the down low. So romantic.”

 

Jim laughed, “I know, it sounds unromantic, but it’s way more romantic than Michael asking us about our sex lives or Kevin awkwardly mentioning that he likes your boobs too, all things I’ve heard before by the way.”

 

Pam blushed, “yeah, and that’s the milder stuff, but did you also mention our sex lives?”

 

It was now Jim’s turn to blush, he gulped as his throat felt dry, “it was just a comment, not anything else, oh shit.”

 

Pam laughed as she gently caressed his face with one hand, “I’m just giving you a hard time, look, normally I’m all for taking things slow, part of me wants that still, but the other part of me wants to make up for lost time, I want everything I’ve been missing, so let’s just see where things end up tonight, no rules, no judgements, we’ve been way too patient waiting for this.”

 

Jim pressed his forehead down against hers, “Beesly, you’re a genius, I agree.” Jim glanced at his watch, “we’d better get moving, our reservation is in an hour and a half, I picked you up straight from work, you look great, but if you want, not a comment on how you look, I always like that, but if you want, you can change or whatever, god, I sound pathetic.”

 

Pam gave him a quick kiss, “no, you’re fine, I would like to change, luckily, I have on dress that I look great in ready to go, we’re going to a nice place, and you look really good, I don’t want to be out done, not that I could compete.”

 

“Beesly just know that I think you are beautiful, the most beautiful to me in fact, but our relationship is so much more than just looks, it’s everything about you.”

 

Pam laughed, “This is so weird and yet so right at the same time, I will not be bringing up our exes much, but the thing that made me the angriest at myself is that I had more romantic, truly romantic, not sexual, interactions with you as a friend than I ever did with Roy, nine years with Roy, I feel like I’m finally giving myself permission to be happy.”


	13. The First Date : Part Two - Jim and Pam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the date, their dinner, dessert and more.

Pam looked around the restaurant, she had wanted to eat at this particular restaurant for years, but Roy always told her it was stupid to go there, a waste of money when they could get cheaper beer and wings at Poor Richards. She immediately put thoughts of Roy out of her head, when she looked in front of her, there was Jim, smiling, looking like he had won the lottery.

 

“This place is really nice Jim, are you sure you want to eat here, I would have been happy with anywhere that wasn’t a bar or buffet.”

 

Jim shook his head, “Beesly, not focused on your past, just your future. I’ll sound pathetic in this, but whenever I would see a great restaurant or movie or even art exhibit, I’d tell myself that I bet Pam would love it if I took her there, even when I was with Karen, at the beginning, and trying my best to not think about you, that’s what I would think. I know you don’t believe it one hundred percent yet, but you are worth this, you are worth so much more. Not every date with me will be like this, but I wanted this to be special.” She was in a dress now, after the lake, they had gone to Dunder Mifflin and they both drove their cars to her apartment. Jim beamed at her, she looked so gorgeous, in just ten minutes at her apartment while he waited on the couch, she had changed into a beautiful blue dress, a shorter dress than she normally wore, and high heels so she didn’t seem as short next to Jim. 

 

Pam reached across the table and took his hand in hers, her thumb caressing his hand, “it is, thank you.”

 

Jim looked back down at his menu, “now to decide what I want to eat.”

 

Pam smiled, “Are you sure I’m worth this, because those jumbo crab cakes look really good.”

 

Jim’s flat smile turned into a toothy grin, “Beesly, if you want ten of those, I’m good for it, for you, anything.”

 

Pam laughed, “according to Phyllis and Stanley, if you order the most expensive thing on the menu, you have to put out.”

 

Jim shuddered, “I do not want to know how that came up, but no, no expectations, just pure happiness that I’m with you, on a date. A real date.”

 

Knowing how much Pam liked seafood, Jim ordered the Lobster Mac and Cheese and Shrimp for appetizers, Pam ordered the crab cakes for her entrée and Jim ordered the Osso Bucco, not wanting to let Pam feel bad for ordering something more expensive than he did, even if his order was only one dollar more expensive. 

 

As they shared the appetizers, Jim took a deep breath and prepared himself to tell Pam a truth he felt he owed her. “Look, Pam, I of course am fine with anything you want, anytime, taking it slow or fast, but I have to be honest. Karen and I very recently…well uh…you know…it…the thing is, I didn’t let myself think about you and I, us, until I was sitting in that interview, Wallace was basically handing me the job, which I didn’t truly want, that’s not me, but then I see this note, and all I can think about is all of our shared history, the good and the bad, and then all I could think about is how unacceptable it would be to not have more memories, with you, with only you. I didn’t wake up thinking it would happen, at all, but it did, and I’m so glad it did, but I want to be honest with you, you deserve that.”

 

Pam smiled shyly again, “thank you, I don’t know if that will sway how I feel in the moment, but we both have to move on and not feel guilty, yours is way more recent, but I think you were right before, no looking back, mistakes were made, but now, that’s not what matters. Right now, I want you, Jim, just you, it’s what I’ve wanted but couldn’t tell you, didn’t tell you, so nothing in the past matters but the fact that we are finally on a date, trying to find happiness.”

 

After the appetizers, Pam excused herself from the table, Jim stood up as she did, ever the gentleman, as she walked in the bathroom, she saw herself in the mirror, she was taken aback by the reflection she saw, not the dress, not the makeup, but the smile, Pam couldn’t remember the last time she felt this happy and to see her smile and demeanor was strange, she had been unhappy with Roy and then struggling some on her own, though happy, this was different, this is what she had wanted for so long.

 

While Jim sat at the table alone, he felt his phone, he looked and saw a text from Alan.

 

Alan : Mark told me the news, it’s about damn time, Larissa feels bad for Karen, but I’ve known you for way too long. Pam has made you smile like an idiot since you met her, you deserve that kind of happiness.

 

Jim smiled as he read the text and simply replied, thanks. His thoughts drifted briefly to Karen, but he couldn’t think about that right now, no matter the pain he caused, he and Pam deserved to be with each other, he knew he would be hurting her worse if he strung her along knowing he would eventually leave. He wasn’t proud of everything he did in that relationship, but he had tried, he had wanted it to work, he felt bad Karen came after he met Pam, but he had met the one he couldn’t ever forget, and he had tried. He was deep in thought when he caught a glimpse of Pam returning, Jim stood up again as he helped her to her chair, she smiled up at him, of course never having received any treatment even close to that from Roy.

 

When their entrees arrived, Jim couldn’t help but smile as he watched Pam’s reactions to the giant crab cakes, Pam was one to always question her own worth, and to see her get even a little of what she deserved, it was one of his most favorite things, it had driven him to do many things when they were just friends, and now, he could take it to a whole new level to let her know how incredible she truly was. He must have been staring for too long as Pam noticed and blushed.

 

“What? Do I have something in my teeth?”

 

“No, not at all, I was just enjoying watching you be happy, that makes me happy, very much so in fact.”

 

“Well concentrate on your dinner Halpert, at this rate they’ll kick us out before you’re done.” 

 

Jim smiled back at her and paid attention to his meal. As they finished, Jim told her that dessert would be on the roof at Dunder Mifflin. The drive from Posh to the office was spent laughing and enjoying the moment, each one truly trying to focus on the present and the future. When they arrived at the office, Jim entered the security code and soon they were on the roof.

 

The flowers and Teddy Bear were set to the side, to be safe, and next to them and the chairs was a small table with table cloth and a small cloth covering whatever was on the table. Jim walked over and removed the cloth, revealing chocolate strawberries. As they ate their dessert, a comfortable silence descended, the two exchanging looks of happiness. After Pam turned down the last strawberry, Jim quickly ate it and stood up.

 

“Okay, for the least fun part of the night, we need to get this stuff down to the car.”

 

Pam shook her head and rolled her eyes, “way to kill the evening, date ruined, sorry Jim.”

 

Jim slapped his palm to his head, “dammit, and I was planning on getting matching tattoos after this.”

 

“See, that’s super romantic, that would have been much better.”

 

Ten minutes later, the couple sat in Jim’s car, he held her hand as he started the car, releasing it only as he backed up and then taking it again, grinning at her as she grinned back, neither could hide the happiness they felt. As he drove, he knew he would jump at the chance to have some time with her in her apartment, but he had told her about he and Karen’s very recent sexual activity and didn’t think Pam would be ready for that yet, wanting to put time and space between the two.

 

He put the car in park after parking in a space close to her apartment. “Well, Beesly, home by eleven, very respectable. Let me help you with the flowers and teddy bear.”

 

Pam leaned over to kiss him, “thank you, this was so great.”

 

Jim set the last vase of flowers down on her counter, next to the first two and the teddy bear, he was getting ready to say goodnight when Pam closed her door and locked it, she looked nervous, truly nervous for the first time all night. Jim couldn’t quite process what was happening or why.

 

“Pam are you okay?”

 

She nodded, “yeah, I am, I’m the best I’ve been in a while. I’m nervous Jim, I told you, I want you. I’ve wanted you. You’re not the only one in love Jim, it hasn’t been easy these last six months, but it helped me understand to a smaller extent what you had to go through. I’m nervous because I’m ready, for anything and everything, but scared because you’ve been with other women, and me, only with Roy.”

 

Jim pulled her to him and kissed her, after a few minutes, he pulled away, “Beesly, we have time to figure out what we like, how we are, for me, being with you is enough, if you’re ready for sex, than just doing that, with you, will be number one on my top ten list of accomplishments, I swear, nothing could let me down, I can’t promise the same for you with me, but trust me, you keep expecting me to see the flaw that will open my eyes, I’ve watched you for years, any flaws you think you have, I like, in fact I love them, they’re part of you, and I know I love…sorry a bit soon.”

 

Pam reached her hand behind his head and pulled his mouth to hers, her lips were rougher than normal, her desire pouring out, her tongue exploring and caressing his mouth and tongue, her hands were everywhere, on his chest, on his ass, she couldn’t contain herself anymore, she could also feel Jim’s erection as they stood embracing and making out, she finally stopped, “Jim, I love you. It’s weird, but we’re not a normal couple, we’ve known how we felt long before we dated, I mean this our first date and I feel things I’ve never felt, ever.”

 

Jim smiled as his hand rubbed tenderly up and down her back, “me too Beesly, me too.” She looked up at him and smiled, but a different smile than he had seen from her except a few times when he didn’t know how to approach it, this was her seductive smile, her I’m ready for something else smile, but this time, he knew exactly what to do. He pulled her to him, kissing her harder than he had to that point, one hand in her hair, the other pulling up her dress, Pam gasped into their kiss at first as his hands crept up her leg under dress to her lacy underwear, her eyes rolled back as his fingers stroked the front of her sex.

 

Jim gently caressed her folds over her underwear at first, then moving a little faster as he felt her wetness increasing. She moaned now, and then pulled away, smiling as she backed up a little and unzipped the back of her dress. Jim was already feeling more turned on than he had in his entire life as he watched the object of his dreams and desire for so long slowly drop her dress down around her ankles. His inhaled sharply as he saw her in only her bra and underwear, so much better than his dreams had ever been. Jim could only stare, the problem was, he didn’t know where to stare, she was so gorgeous to him.

 

“Jesus, Pam, you are so fucking beautiful, I had imagined this, for way too long, sorry if that’s creepy, but you are amazing, so fucking amazing.”

 

Pam could feel herself blushing as she approached him and pulled his jacket off and tossed it on her couch, she then quickly did away with his tie and started unbuttoning his shirt. She laughed as she looked up at him and his gaze was still one of wonder, “breathe Halpert, I don’t want you passing out, doing this with an unconscious person raises ethical concerns.”

 

Jim chuckled as he realized how stunned he had been and just lusting over the beauty standing before him, his hand now grabbed her sides and pulled her close as he kissed her neck and collar bone. She sighed pleasurably and then moved her hands down and started undoing his pants and forcing them down until they were on the floor.

 

“There, now we match at least.” She then laid a kiss on his newly bared chest, relishing in the uneven breathing she had already caused, without much effort.

 

Jim grinned at her, “well to be truthful, I only have on my boxer briefs while you have a bra and underwear, so…not quite even, seems a little unfair.”

 

Pam gave him her seductive smile again that caused his mouth to go dry as she reached behind her back and undid her bra, she let it slide down a little bit at a time until releasing it as it fell to the floor, Jim’s eyes scanned not only her breast, but her entire body, mapping out the different freckles and moles as if they were navigation points for the exploring he intended to do. He stepped close to her again and started kissing under jaw and then down her neck and to her upper chest. Before he moved the attention of his lips to her breasts, he cupped her ass with one hand with the other playfully rubbed one of her nipples between his fingers. Pam made a strange noise as she inhaled, her head looked up towards the ceiling, but her eyes were closed as she enveloped herself in the moment of Jim’s touch and attention to her.

 

When his lips moved to her breast, he kissed very tenderly at first, kissing all the real estate on her left breast, then after covering it in its entirety, he kissed her nipple several times, each time with a little more pressure before taking it in his mouth and gently sucking on it. Pam’s aroused reaction to this gave him the courage and permission to go further as he sucked harder, eliciting a high pitched grunt from her, he then began to use his tongue to circle around the nipple, seductively licking the nipple itself after every few circles around it, he could feel it becoming larger and harder.

 

Pam giggled, undoing Jim’s concentration, she saw the look of confusion on his face, “Jim, sooo good, but the other breast is getting jealous, and I laughed because it’s so crazy, it’s finally us, finally.”

 

Jim offered up one of his flat, somewhat crooked, toothless smiles and then switched off his hands, his right hand moving to cup and caress her left butt cheek and his mouth lavishing attention and kisses on her right breast. He started with slow kisses again, then used the same method to build up to her nipples, again drawing moans from this woman, who was once his gorgeous tormentor, but now just his, just his, as he was hers, but he felt he had always been hers, whether she had known it or not.

 

As his tongue stimulated her right nipple and he could feel slight trembles in her body, he moved his hand back to her soaked underwear, the wetness was nearly pushing his erection to levels it could not handle. As his fingers first gently caressed, Pam withdrew a hand and pushed them down until they were halfway down her legs and out Jim’s way, giving him pure skin to skin contact with all of her. His thumb found her clit as he slowly circled, the feeling her moistness, he slipped a finger in, bringing the first of many curse words to come.

 

“Fuck, Jim, fuck, so good baby, so good.”

 

Jim almost stopped as he wondered if she ever called Roy that, but he seemed to remember her calling him hon, so he pushed it out his mind and returned all of his attention and talents to the task at hand. As his hand and tongue remained busy, working together and in harmony, he slipped one more finger in, and soon his felt her beginning to contract around his fingers, her swearing and shouting becoming louder.

 

“Yes, fuck, baby, yes, shit, Jim, those fingers are fucking magical, and that tongue, you have no idea how long I’ve longed for that tongue…” She was unable to say anything else as she groaned loudly, his fingers feeling nearly crushed as squeezed her legs together in reaction to the pleasure coursing through her body.

 

Pam was breathing hard as she focused her vision on the tall talented man in front of her, she took his hand and guided him into her bedroom. It was small, but so very Pam, some of her artwork, pictures of family, three pictures of Jim, including his old yearbook picture, but the picture that surprised him the most was one from the basketball game where Roy had flipped out at him and been a bigger dick than normal.

 

“I always loved this picture, I stole it from Michael. I hid it from Roy, and then it had to go in my new place, regardless of where we were, it was like a reminder of what I was working for, feeling for anyone the way I felt when I saw you that day. I fought the feelings Jim, I tried to bury them, but it was fear, I know, no going in the past, but I have to, to enjoy the present and dream about the future.”

 

Jim nearly sprung on her pulled her to himself so quickly that she gasped, exhaling deeply and sharply, she then pulled at him, backing up to her bed, then falling on it with him in tow, her hands all over his back and ass, she proceeded to pull his boxer briefs down, as she felt his length unleashed, she lifted her head and grinned as she saw it, she had imagined many things about Jim, some with accuracy, but with Roy being the only man she had ever known, she didn’t know how to judge, she once thought maybe Roy was big, but after seeing Jim’s unsheathed erection, she considered Roy average at best and Jim, well this could be interesting.

 

One of her hands wrapped around his cock while the other launched into his hair, pulling his head to kiss her. Pam soon felt overwhelmed and stopped the kissing, her grasp still firm on his cock, “You ready, to uh, come in and play?” 

 

She grinned shyly again, “bedside table, to your right, I haven’t used them, but I thought a newly single woman should have them just in case.”

 

Jim felt his whole body shake as he laughed, he quickly opened the drawer and awkwardly felt around, finding one and bringing it out, Pam quickly snatched it from him and ripped it open easily, then reaching under his stomach, slid the condom on him with both hands, “god, Jim, I know, comparisons aren’t healthy, but, that thing is huge. Comparatively.”

 

Jim shook his head, “I’m glad I won’t be running into him a lot, that could get awkward now, more so.”

 

Pam tilted her hips upward gently guided him towards her entrance, Jim pushed in slowly, taking the time to enjoy every millimeter of her as felt her moist folds enveloping him. Pam was not as patient and with both hand grabbed his ass encouraged him in all the way. “Jim, baby, fuck this slow stuff, I am so turned on already, I need fast and hard, I just need to feel you.”

 

Jim gulped as he wondered how long he could last inside the woman of his every dream and desire, his thrusts gained momentum and while the pleasure of the moment nearly forced his eyes closed, he could not take his eyes off of her, the way her face was red from pleasure, the way she breathed as she moved closer to her second time of the evening, the way her breasts bounced erratically to his movements inside of her. The more he watched her, taking in her beauty, he could feel himself inching closer to his own climax, but before he got there, he felts tighten around him, then he heard her, he wondered if she’d already been being vocal and he’d just not heard because of his concentration on what he saw before him.

 

“Jim, right fucking there, I’m so close, don’t stop, oh shit.”

 

She shouted a bit more before he felt her tremble and she moaned loudly, Jim picked up the pace of his thrusts as the sounds of their flesh slapping each other became louder than Pam’s breathing and vocalizations. Jim could feel the pressure building, his pleasure becoming almost too much take as he finally spilled out, inside the woman he knew he had loved for far too long.

 

Her arms wrapped around him tightly as she kissed around his mouth softly yet passionately, “Jim, I don’t even know what to say about that, holy shit, it was so good. No pressure, but best for me, easily.”

 

Jim pressed his forehead to hers, “you’re not just placating my male ego.”

 

Pam shook her head, “no, that would be my ex that required that, this was incredible, I swear, promise, and whatever else, done deal, the best.”

 

Jim kissed her softly then smiled, “yeah, well, easily mine too, for everything, but mostly, because it was you, for that reason it just felt right, not just good, but right.”

 

Pam embraced him so tightly that he thought it had to be hurting her breasts, it hurt his back, but he wouldn’t complain. Jim got up to dispose of the condom and wrapper, as he returned, he saw her again, her glistening body, his idea of perfection as she leaned her on her hand, her elbow on her bed.

 

Jim grinned at her, “so, this is an awesome date, but I need clothes, and toothbrush…I uh don’t mean to be presumptive, but would you want to get some of your things and come to my place, for the night? Oh shit, I’m moving too quick.”

 

Pam sat up quickly and then stood up as she hugged him, kissing his cheek, “you’re fine, I would love that. I love that you want to be with me. With Roy, he’d give a mediocre sexual performance, didn’t really care if I got mine, and then leave to go out with friends and drink or watch sports.” Pam saw the hint of panic in his eyes, “not that sports are bad Jim, but he never wanted me, he wanted the idea of me, being with someone, someone who cared for him, but not me, it’s different with you.

 

Jim pulled her tighter and picked her up and swung her around a few times, “anyone who doesn’t think you are the greatest prize in the world is not worth knowing. You are all I need, I can’t imagine not wanting to be with you, that’s all I’ve wanted.

 

As they entered Jim’s apartment, Pam was impressed by the furniture, “whoa Jim, new crib, new furniture.”

 

Jim sighed, “yeah, I sold my stuff, which was the stuff from my old Scranton place when I moved from Stamford, trying to grow up, but I don’t know if it worked, I’m still just me.”

 

Pam held his hand tightly, “Jim, we both know that’s not true, the past few years have helped us get to each other, to help us know what we want, what we don’t, what we need, what we don’t. I think that new Jim and Pam have a much better shot than old Jim and Pam.”

 

Jim then cocked an eyebrow at her, “did you really call my condominium in Scranton Pennsylvania a crib?”

 

Pam gave him a slightly crooked smile, “what can I say Halpert, I’m hip, street smart, down with the lingo.”

 

Jim didn’t know if it was the smile or the way she said lingo, but he immediately grabbed her, she dropped her bag to the floor, her hands immediately searching all over his body. Jim motioned with his head to the upstairs, she took the signal and the both ran up the stairs, when she entered Jim’s room she laughed, still pictures of all Philadelphia sports teams on his walls, but now framed, and a picture of the Scranton Office people.

 

Jim walked behind her, placing his hands on her shoulder, “I told Karen I kept it because it reminded me of the good old simple days, but the truth is that it was an excuse to keep a reminder of you around, even just one.”

 

Pam’s arms pushed him to his bed, both began removing their clothing quickly, their eyes returning continually to the lustful gaze of the other, the room silent but for the clothing dropping on the floor and their heavier breathing. Jim pulled a now naked Pam down to him, his hands mapping her body again, his eyes remembering his navigating spots from earlier, he then noticed her hair, how it gently draped to the side with larger curls, he was seeing nighttime Pam, undone Pam, the side he’d been kept from for so long, he then saw her eyes, lustful, yet warm and loving.

 

Their lips crashed together, their mouths groping for feeling, discovering, taking in the pleasure of the moment. Jim then kissed down her jaw to her neck, trailing down to her collar bone, to her breasts, but only briefly, then down her stomach, then to her light curls that surrounded her already moist slit, Jim groaned pleasurably as took in the sight before softly pressing his tongue to her clit and licking upward, then licking the length of it, pressing his tongue in slightly as he did so. Pam’s body tensed and shuddered as he used his to tongue arouse her.

 

As he moved his tongue back to her hardened clit and started his slow circles, one finger entered her, pushing in so quickly and easily he soon entered a second one. She moved her hips into the movement of his fingers, she swallowed several times, almost writhing, “fuck, Jim, that tongue, that fucking tongue, it does things to me, fuck.”

 

Jim kept up his pace and patterns despite her comments almost distracting him, he was taking in everything, her scent as he lapped at her most intimate area, the taste his tongue was lapping in, the feel of her arousal as fingers continued to pump, now driving her to buck and shudder again, he felt her tighten around his fingers and she swore so loudly he nearly stopped before she finally pushed his head away as her eyes squinted closed, “stop, baby, stop, so fucking sensitive right now. Fuck.” Jim reached over and grabbed a condom, she again opened it and slid it onto his erection.

 

Jim moved up and propped himself over her as she reached out lips and then with her tongue slowly and intensely cleaned her own juices off his lips, they then kissed, slower, more passionately, Pam retreated for a second, then pulled him over so they were both on their sides. Then once more as she straddled him while he was now on his back. She easily maneuvered so he entered easily and quickly, his eyes felt like they would get so big they’d pop out of his head as he thought he might die of the pleasure.

 

Pam leaned forward and steadied herself by placing her hands on his chest, moving herself faster and faster forward and backward, Jim thought he might last longer since this was technically his third time having sex that day, but Pam’s grunts as she moved, the sight of her flush face and chest, the bouncing of her chest, the way her hair almost flowed behind her as she moved on him, he felt himself forcing his own hips higher and soon erratically as she ground down harder, neither one heard the other yell or groan as each was wrapped up in their own release.

 

Not long after, both found themselves in only underwear and one of Jim’s t-shirts, Pam laid down first as Jim laid behind her, kissing her head and then cheek. He sighed contentedly, “so tonight convinced me how crappy my imagination is, because nothing I ever came up with could even compare to this, not even close.”

 

Pam laughed sleepily as she put an arm back so her hand could caress his cheek, “yeah, this was one hell of a first date.”


	14. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning and day after their first date.

As he started to blink himself awake in the morning, Jim felt the familiar warmth of someone in bed with him, but this felt different, as he hugged her tighter, Jim’s memories of the night before flooded his mind and a smile emerged on his face. He kissed the top of her head and yawned as he felt her begin to  
stir with her head still tucked into his chest and on his bicep.

“Morning.” She peered up at him smiling, squinting as her contacts were not in, she pulled him close enough to press her lips gently to his, her hand reached down and grasped his cock which he hadn’t even realized was hard, “wow, Jim, I don’t know what kind of girl you think I am, but twice last night and now in the morning,” she bit her lip now, her eyes playful and sultry.

Jim rolled his eyes a bit as she began stroking him, “you know I don’t think that, plus, you’d be more believable if you weren’t groping me.”

Pam played shocked, “oh, so sorry, would you like me stop?” 

Jim laughed, “god, no, although I keep expecting to wake up, this is even better than my dreams.”

Pam kissed him again, “I bet I didn’t have morning breath in those though.”

Jim shrugged, “doesn’t matter,” as pressed his lips to hers again, he moaned as she bit his lip while stroking his cock. “Be careful, Pam,” Jim grunted through his arousal, “I could get used to waking up like this.”

Pam bit his lip again, “me too.” Jim rolled quickly to his back to take off his t-shirt as Pam sat up and pulled Jim’s old t-shirt off, Jim’s eyes immediately noticing her soaked underwear. Pam blushed, “I’ve pretty much been like that since our first kiss yesterday.” She arched her back and pulled them down, slipping them off her feet and showing them to Jim, “see.”

Jim’s mouth felt dry, his heart beating faster as he pulled his boxer briefs down, Pam was on him immediately, taking his cock in her hand again, licking the droplet of pre come off and then taking just the tip in her mouth, her tongue licking and swirling the head, Jim moaned, “shit, Pam, this will go quick, your tongue is also pretty fucking talented.”

Pam’s eyes shone as took his length in her mouth again, this time going down further and further, Jim felt his will to hold back weaken, “Pam, I don’t know if I want this over so quick, but…”

Pam released his cock from her mouth with a pop and smiled at him, she then quickly straddled him, rubbing her wet center back and forth on his well salivated erection, her hands on his chest pushing herself back on him after every move forward. Jim couldn’t take his eyes off of her eyes, the intensity he saw in them, he had never seen anything sexier in entire life. They stared into each other’s eyes for some time as she continued to move over her his cock until she finally reached a hand behind his head and pulled it up, “Jim, use that talented tongue on me, please.”

Her please nearly made him come undone, the sincerity in its desire and plea for action, he quickly took a gentle, but firm hold of one breast teased at the nipple before circling over and over again, he could hear the results of his work as she started humming in approval before vocalizing. “So good, Jim, so fucking good.” Jim could feel becoming wetter as she moved on him, he switched to her other breast, again teasing the nipple and then circling methodically, his other hand reaching back and grasping her ass, reveling in the perfection of it, the softness of her skin, the fact that it was Pam getting off while rubbing herself on his erection.

Pam kept the motion steady as Jim now focused both hands on her nipples, rubbing each one in soft circular motions, he could feel her begin to tense up and her body tremble slightly. Jim raised his hips slightly, as he did so Pam’s contact with him began to push her over the edge, he humming and occasional words now turning to shouting and groaning. “Baby, Jim, holy fuck, baby, so good, I’m gonna…fuck! Fuck!” Pam’s movements became erratic and then her arms collapsed on his chest before the rest of her did. She cupped his cheeks with her hands, “damn, Halpert, so good.”

She rested her head for a second, her hand already reaching down and stroking him, Jim groaned as she did, Pam smirked at him as she laid on her back, she pulled him over, “c’mon Jim, let’s see if you can get me to come twice before breakfast.”

Jim smiled, flat and wide, “challenge accepted.” He reached over and grabbed a condom, Pam again yanked it from his hands and quickly opened it and placed it over his cock, Jim immediately arched his body over hers, his right hand going to her already swollen, red, and moist folds, his thumb finding her sensitive clit and rubbing it as he pushed himself into her again. His thumb kept busy as he thrust in and out of her, each time Pam gasping and offering small noises Jim would never forget and always try to duplicate. 

Pam could do nothing but rake her fingernails on his back as pumped himself in and out of her, she swallowed for what felt like the hundredth time, her eyes beginning to roll back slightly. “Jim, yes, fuck my pussy, hard, fuck it hard Jim, fuck it hard for me.”

Jim nearly came when he heard her swear, he had almost never heard her curse, and to hear it in their intimate moments was something he would cherish and never tell another soul, that was for his ears and his ears only. As Pam’s nails scraped at the flesh of his back again, he felt his own release coming on, his thumb inadvertently pressed harder into Pam’s clit as she shouted again.

Jim felt Pam’s hips raising up and shaking as she became very vocal, “oh fuck, Jim, twice, before breakfast, Roy’s record was one in a day, and even that was not always, sorry.”

Before she could say anything else, Jim pressed his lips to hers again as he thrust even harder, one of Pam’s hands now had a fist full of his hair as the other groped his hard ass, Jim bucked into her erratically, “Beesly, holy shit.”

As Jim got up to dispose of the condom and clean up, Pam put on his old t-shirt again, smelling the sent of his fabric softener, her underwear was still wet, so she put on his boxer briefs, Jim laughed as he came out of his bathroom.

“God, Beesly, just when I thought you couldn’t get any hotter, you do that. I’ll have to put on a matching pair and my t-shirt.”

As Jim slipped on his t-shirt, his phone buzzed, he picked it up, it was a text from Karen.

Karen: I will be at work on Monday, Ryan got the job. You will get a piece of my mind, Pam might too.

Pam saw a worried look on Jim’s face, she walked over to him and put her arm around his waist, “what’s wrong baby?” She kissed the back of his neck, Jim kissed her forehead, and showed her the text. Pam frowned, “I’m sorry, what do you want to do?”

Jim smiled at her, “don’t be sorry, that will be uncomfortable, but this, this is worth it. You had to call off a wedding and deal with the fallout,” Jim pulled her tightly to him. “You also had to do it alone, I at least have you with me, I’m sorry.”

Pam reached up a single finger to his lips, “no apologies, no looking back, I needed that time and I’m glad I’m here with you for this. Plus, if we lie and tell everyone we’re just friends and hanging out…”

Jim nodded, smiling, “I like where your mind is on this, Beesly, the longer we keep the office out of our relationship, the better. Michael G Scott is one hell of a third wheel. So…today, I have plans for us, so many plans. First though, is mini-golf, yet another way to do things I have great memories of doing with you, but now as a couple, I think Red Barn Mini Golf out past Clark’s Summit might be perfect, close-ish, but far enough away.”

Pam smiled and approached him, she pulled him tight to her, embracing him again as if making sure it was all real. “I kind of like that this is just us, no one knows, no one can say anything, and no hearing Michael asking us and others what the sex is like. One year, three of my questions in my yearly evaluation had to do with my sex life.”

Jim shook his head, “I know, he still asks me about Katy, once in front of Karen. I did tell my friends, I hope that’s okay.”

Pam rolled her eyes, “of course that’s okay, I texted my sister and mom, that’s to be expected. What did your friends say? I hope they don’t think I’m terrible?”

Jim laughed, “no, they kept trying to get me to ask you out again, despite my fears. They’re both happy for me, Mark, my old roommate told me I smile like an idiot when I’m with you.”

“That’s a good thing?”

“Absolutely it is. It means I was happy looking without even knowing it, yet, I’ve known you make me happy since I met you.”

Later in the day, Pam was taunting Jim as he squared up for the third hole of their mini golf game. “C’mon Ichabod, let’s see you make that shot, I think you cheated last time and I’m watching you now.”

Jim looked up and grinned, “people don’t know about this side of you, it’s kind of scary.”

Pam smiled at him, “it’s reserved for my family, before you, really only my sister and parents, not even Roy, he did all the wining and tantrum throwing, so feel special.”

Jim hit the ball as it went down the tube, over a ramp, and off a bumper into the hole. “Hole in one, and I do feel special, I love that we can be ourselves with each other.”

Pam squared up for her next shot, she hit the ball too hard and it ricocheted off a metal bumper and returned to her. “Dammit, this is rigged, this is rigged.”

Jim laughed, “you need to get on your game, I’m killing you right now.”

Pam scowled, “careful Halpert, or this pencil will join the other one in the collection of things I’ve thrown at you.”

Jim preceded to win, Pam frowned a little, but still had fun and kissed him back affectionately when he kissed her after she lost. Jim kept his arm on her side, “Pam, look over there, it’s Packer.”

Pam turned her head to see Packer playing with a young girl, as they watched him, he missed a shot and threw his putter over the fence and started screaming obscenities. “Damn, he’s a worse loser than you are.”

After mini golf, they went to Rosario’s Italian Pizzeria, they ordered two small pies to share, Jim kept playfully slapping her hand as she tried to steal all the olives off the pies. “Beesly, I thought you’d learned your lesson by now, no more stealing.”

Pam pouted, batting her eyelashes, “c’mon Jim, I’m not hungry but I love olives, these ones are good.”

Jim sighed, “okay, I’ll give in, I obviously have a weakness for you.” As Jim said this, Pam wiped away a tear. “Did I do something wrong?”

Pam shook her head as a few more tears welled up in her eyes, “no baby, I’m just happy. Roy never put me first, ever. When I was with him, I thought it was my fault that things didn’t feel like love, like I was wanting too much. But now, with you, two dates and I feel so much more, I feel happy, I never really had that with Roy, I wasted so much time just because it felt comfortable and I was scared to leave him.”

Jim pulled her close again, he kissed her softly, “hey, silver lining, someone else could have taken you, this way, I met you, we realized we had feelings, and we finally got together. And, if you’re wondering, I’m fine if you would like to stay the night again, or whatever you want, but just so you know, I don’t think I’ll ever get to the point that I don’t want to spend every minute with you.”

Pam kissed him softly on his cheek, “would you mind if you spent the night at my place tonight?”

“Of course not, that would be awesome. We can just stop by my place and get your things and I’ll grab a few things.” 

After retrieving what each of them needed from Jim’s apartment, the returned to Pam’s, the first thing each of them saw were the flowers Jim had bought for their first date. Jim smiled as he saw them, knowing that they meant a lot because Roy normally only bought her flowers when he was in trouble. Pam made cinnamon rolls, from a can, but Jim didn’t care, she could burn them or undercook them and he would gladly eat them just to be there with her, in her apartment, at the precise time.

Jim’s phone buzzed, he reached for it and groaned after seeing it, “oh shit.”

Pam’s eyes went wide, “Karen again?”

Jim shook his head no and smiled, “thank God no, but it is still tricky, it was from my mom, she knows we went on a date, and she is getting ballsy in her advanced age, she would like us to join them for Memorial Day, which we totally don’t have to do.”

Pam smiled and then kissed him, “I could get used to being asked my opinion in a relationship. My parents will be out of town and I’m nervous, but I want to meet your family.”

“They can be a bit much, my mom is direct, Larissa is opinionated, my dad is laid back and awesome, and my brothers are the biggest horses’ asses to ever walk the earth.”

“It’s okay, I want to meet them, I’m ready, which is weird since we’ve never ended our first date,” Pam blushed slightly as she said that, and then bit her lip, “but I used to imagine what being part of your family would be like, only because you are so nice and funny and Roy’s family is more into downing as many beers as possible and being on boats, which kind of sounds fun, but it’s not, it’s really not.”

Jim grinned, “you used to imagine it?”

“Yeah, again, I was definitely suppressing how I felt about you, but I would think how nice it would be to be with you, but I also told myself I had made my decision, God, so glad the past year happened, it was hard, so hard at times, but I know what I want, who I want to be, and that’s a big improvement.”


	15. Donuts and Contemplation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day before they both return to work, as a couple.

As Jim woke up he rolled over expecting to find Pam’s warm body, instead he found an empty spot on the bed next to him, he got up and walked out to the kitchen to find a note telling him she went on a donut run. Jim was about to sit down and watch some ESPN when the door opened, Pam walked in wearing her pajama pants and one of Jim’s old t-shirts, he smiled as it all still seemed too good to be true.

“Sorry, I hoped to get back before you woke up.” Pam set down a large pink pastry box on the table. 

Jim smiled, “no problem, I honestly just woke up, I was startled to not feel your warm body, but donuts make up for it a little.”

Pam grinned and walked over to him and pulled him in for a kiss, “I can help sweeten the deal after donuts and coffee.”

Jim sat down at the counter bar, “that sounds great, but you owe me nothing, this has all been great, like crazy good.” Jim took a sip of the coffee Pam placed in front of him, “listen, tomorrow, I am taking part of the morning off for a doctor’s appointment, nothing physical, it’s my psychiatrist, which sounds frightening, but it’s been a good thing.”

“Hey, I saw a therapist several times last year to get through it all.”

Jim frowned, “Pam, I’m so sorry, I should have been there for you.”

Pam held up her hand, “Jim, I could have let you know I broke up Roy for you, I told you I wasn’t interested and then said nothing. I think we both hoped the other would read our mind, for a long time, and it of course never happened. My therapist actually helped me just rely on me more, feel more confident in my decisions, it was because of her that I said what I did that night on beach day.”

Jim grinned as he stood up and stood next to her, “I need to send her a Christmas card, which would be the first one I ever send, but still.”

Pam looked up at him, “what does the psychiatrist do to help you?”

Jim sighed, “clinical depression, it runs in the family, I wasn’t handling a lot well, but when I moved to Stamford and before, I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping, I was a mess, and before you say anything, you did nothing to cause that, I could have said something sooner, and the medication has helped, I’m more my old self, my dad and Tom have it as well.”

Pam frowned, “are you sure it just wasn’t me rejecting you, which by the way, I was more just confused, but still, guilt Jim, major guilt.”

Jim kissed the top of her head, “Pam, it had happened before, not to the extent it did this time, but I think it was a combination of depression and the fact that I had never felt the way I felt about you, about anyone, not for lack of trying, even my college girlfriend, I was bummed when things ended, but more like listening to Joy Division or the Cure to feel things out and let her go, but with you, it was different.”

Pam sighed, “so I pushed to you to your worst?”

Jim chuckled sadly, “Pam, that’s what love does, with the crazy highs come the crazy lows. You can’t truly grasp what love is without loss, God, I’ve apparently been listening to too much Shoegaze music.”

Pam squinted her eyes, “shoegaze music?”

Post punk, low key, you sway and stare at your shoes instead of the moshing or whatever, but that’s off topic. I had one other bad episode, sort of two, when I was in college, again, it was self-doubt which led to not eating, not sleeping, and just a big fucking mess.”

Pam held his hand and let her thumb feel around the perimeter of his hand softly, “what caused it?”

Jim sighed, “again, just doubting I was good enough, the thing with you really fucked with me, sorry, but it hurt because inside I just assumed I wasn’t good enough for you, in college it was basketball.”

Pam almost shouted in surprise, “basketball?”

Jim grinned, “don’t mock, Beesly, but yes, basketball. I love playing and watching basketball, you know this, but at the end of high school, my team did well, there were scouts, I had opportunities to play for division one teams, the closest at Lehigh, then others, Arkansas State, Boston College, even Rutgers, which is a good school, but I didn’t want to be defined by sports, I was okay at best, honestly, at that level anyway. So, in the end, I got scared and signed with a small school.”

Amy brushed her lips against his cheeks softly, “didn’t you go to Wilkes?”

Jim grinned mischievously at her, “wow, way to not remember all the way and interrupt.” Pam elbowed him softly, Jim kissed her again, “just kidding, yeah, in the end, I went super safe, division three, even though Larissa thinks it was division two, it was even worse, I hid, I didn’t want to be judged for a skill that I liked but didn’t think should define me, so I hid, and close by. I lived in Wilkes, only thirty minutes from my house, and I didn’t do great, I started, we won a lot of games, we went to the division three final four, but in the end, I quit.”

Pam looked confused as she reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand, “you quit basketball?”

Jim nodded slowly as he took in a deep breath, “I quit, I sort of quit life, I didn’t eat, I barely slept, I kept my grades up and freaked out my girlfriend at the time, and before you think of me as some lady’s man, I had two girlfriends in college, just two, but I shut down like I did after the night with you. I didn’t know why, I couldn’t tell anyone why I felt like I did, I just did, and it sucked. In the end, Mark and Alan helped a lot, Alan played, or rode the bench at Scranton University, but we saw each other a lot, and played against each other once, he just kept getting me to go out, then he told my mom and she showed up and wouldn’t leave me alone, so finally, I got in a routine, I graduated with good grades, but an English degree and nowhere I wanted to use it, which is how I met you.” He smiled down at her and held her tighter, thankful he found her, even a shitty job selling paper was worth finding the woman he now held in his arms.

Pam hugged him, “I can’t believe we finally happened, it seemed like everything was against us, especially ourselves.”

Jim nodded and laughed, “yeah, we were our own worst enemies, especially me, I should have called you when I heard you broke it off, but instead I convinced myself I had nothing to do with it because you had rejected me, but when I get depressed, everything is black and white, there is no middle ground or grey area, so in my mind, you had made your decision and no matter what you would say after that, you had spoken your heart’s true feelings, which is idiotic, because life is complicated.”

Pam closed her eyes, “Jim, I am sorry though, I was so stupid, I stayed with Roy because I only knew my adult life with him, it was dumb…”

Jim cut her off with a kiss, “look, we’re not following our no looking back rule very well, but like you said, we needed this, I think if you had left Roy immediately, we might have both had other problems, this last year has helped me realize how much I love you, sorry if that’s scary, but it’s true.”

Pam smiled up at him, “that’s not scary Jim, it’s what I need to hear, honestly. I never felt that with Roy, but it was comfortable, I never want comfortable again, because all comfortable things eventually wear out, I want happy, I want a life I would be envious watching someone else live. Speaking of life, while I was out getting donuts, I saw Kevin, he waved and almost crashed his car when he saw me, I’m glad I left without you, so not ready to include Dunder Mifflin in our relationship yet.”

“Yeah, very true, so tomorrow, I will already be coming in late, but since we sort of live on opposite sides of town, I know a spot a few blocks away from the office where I can leave my car for the evening or the night, so we’re not crossing town like crazy and go out to eat or hangout or whatever.”

Pam shook her head grinning so much she almost couldn’t speak, “you are a planner, aren’t you?”

“Well…it isn’t every day I get in a relationship with my best friend, even if I didn’t act like it.”

Pam reached up and put her finger at his lips, “Halpert, no, no more being mad at ourselves, we both seem pretty damn happy right now, so let’s focus on that, and the fact that I also may have bought a ridiculously large box of condoms at the drugstore this morning, I felt a little slutty, but that’s okay, even if the lady did wink at me when I bought them.”

“No way, you’re lying this time.”

“Not even, I swear, it happened.”

Jim smiled and backed up, knowing she would try to hit him for what he was about to say, “Sure, just like you saw the DVD logo hit the corner perfectly when you were all alone.”

Pam swung for him but missed as he had correctly guessed where to stand out of range. “Very smart to move Halpert. Very smart, but right now, I need those very long and talented fingers to work magic on me, we have to return to the most boring place on earth tomorrow and pretend we’re not doing it.” Pam smirked at Jim as she spoke, he rolled his eyes at her, his long-crooked smile getting even bigger.

“Doing it, Pam? Doing it? We have been around Michael far too long.” Before Jim could say more, Pam was on him, tenderly yet passionately kissing him, her kisses varying between his lips and around his neck, she then pulled him forcibly towards her bedroom, as they entered, she saw the clothes they had discarded the night before, her underwear, her lacy blue pair, on the carpet, “I hope this stage doesn’t end Jim, with Roy, sorry to bring him up, but with him, I never cared about sex much, honestly, but with you, oh my God.”

That was all Jim needed to hear, he lifted her up, his large hands holding up her ass as his fingers kneaded every inch of they could, he gently laid her on her bed, then as he made eye contact, he removed her pajama pants and underwear quickly, without ever breaking eye contact, Pam felt an enormous wave of desire as she saw this man who at the office seemed so even and calm lick his lips with anticipation as he undressed her, Pam shot her arms up and pulled off the t-shirt of his she wore and she quickly undid her bra and tossed it aside before leaning forward yanking down Jim’s bottom layers of clothing, he quickly took off his own t-shirt before laying on top her, propping himself up with his arms, his mind raced as he thought of all the things he wanted to do to her in these intimate moments, but before he could decide on one, Pam interrupted him.

“No foreplay today, nothing but you, inside me, please, I just need you, now, fucking me.” Pam blushed slightly as she said this, but the effect it had on Jim was obvious, he went from being suave and in control to now bumbling with the box of condoms, Pam laughed as she helped him and opened one quickly, sheathing him and then taking his now covered erection in her hand and guiding it in her. Pam exhaled, but a long exhale of near ecstasy as she felt every inch of the man who she had broken enter her, Jim was concentrating on her, trying to give her what she needed, what she wanted.

Jim began a slow pace, as one thumb rubbed her clit, he reveled in the feel of her curls down there, of her almost crazy wetness, for him, he quickly had to think of something else to prevent coming quickly. His lips and tongue soon made themselves busy with her nipples, he couldn’t help but almost grin at every noise she made, the kiss, gentle bite and lick elicited a small or not so small sound of pleasure from her, soon, she was all he could think of again, and then he felt her tighten around him, one hand pushed him up off of her slightly as she brought up her hips and ground them into him more and more until her heavy breathing and moans turned into shouting.

“Fuuck, Jim, this isn’t fair, I can’t compete, holy shit, so good, fuck!”

Jim knew she said more after that, but he couldn’t hear her as his eyes closed and his own body went stiff as he came. His breathing, still labored, but it didn’t stop him from expressing his own marvel, “Beesly, you can definitely compete, holy shit, have you seen yourself, so fucking hot, perfect is what I’d say, but I am biased.”


	16. Back To Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Pam navégate their first day at work in a covert relationship.

“Jim, are you nervous, about tomorrow, you know, us being us and trying to hide it from the office?” Pam had more or less woken him up when she asked this, it was eleven at night as they cuddled on her couch watching Royal Tenenbaums, which Jim warned her he had seen many times and would probably fall asleep.

Jim yawned, “not a lot, I don’t know, maybe a little, only because of how intrusive they are, but about us, no, we’ll goof around, smile, feed them the story of how we’re just friends, we’d be giving them a lot of credit to figure it out.”

Pam smiled at him, “okay, you’re right, this is just so nice, you know? I don’t want them to get involved and make it feel awkward.”

Jim grinned, “oh, believe me, when Karen chews me out tomorrow, it’ll be awkward, but that’s okay, anything she could do, still worth it.”

Pam stood up, “alright sleepy, let’s get you to bed, you need to be fresh for our mega session of lying and deceit tomorrow.”

Jim stood up and hugged her, “that does take a lot of energy.”

The next morning at seven, as the alarm sounded, both Jim and Pam groaned, Pam giggled as she heard Jim’s groan in her ear as they woke up spooning. “I need to hurry, I didn’t shower after our triple session of doing it, as you say.”

Pam elbowed him, “I was joking, and I said it once, but yeah, you don’t want to smell like a sex fiend.”

Jim laughed as he slowly sat up, “I don’t even want to know what a sex fiend smells like, or why you would know, some things, best left unsaid.”

“Watch it Halpert, or that triple session will be your last.”

Jim leaned over and kissed her, “fair enough, I’ll be good, but I need to get going. I’m making us reservations tonight, at the Cork Bar and Restaurant, I’ve heard good things, I know right where it is in Wilkes Barre, and it’s out of the range of the nosy office people.”

Pam yawned, “sounds good, but you don’t have to wine and dine me, I’m sold, I’m in.”

Jim lost his smile, he thought of this beautiful woman who he loved, and how she still felt she didn’t deserve this treatment, part of him felt bad for how much Roy lost, a very small part of him, but mostly he wanted to punch Roy in the face for never appreciating her and treating her like she deserved. “Beesly, you definitely deserve this, this is my way of showing you off to the part of the world we’re not terrified of finding out.”

Pam laughed, “alright Romeo, go shower, I have to get rid of your sex fiend smell as well.”

Jim’s appointment was quick and easy, afterwards, he went to the florist and bought a dozen roses and dropped them off at his apartment to give Pam later, he hurried back to Dunder Mifflin, as he entered the office, the first thing he caught sight of was Pam’s enormous smile, he tried his best to suppress any and all feelings for her and not give it all away with his own huge smile, but he felt like he was failing.

“Morning Halpert, long weekend? Must be nice?”

Jim shook his head, “No, Pam, if you must know, I had a doctor’s appointment, the bad news I’m going to live and have to keep working her.”

Pam bit her lip as she tried not to laugh too much, she shook her head at her boyfriend as he sat down. Jim smiled as he turned on his computer.

“You’re late Jim, you should do better as the number two in this office.”

Jim sighed, “and good morning to you Dwight, but I put in for it earlier, doctor’s appointment, they’re vetting me for an experimentation of super human strength serums, like in Captain America.”

Dwight rolled his eyes, “please Jim, that’s ridiculous, they tried those in Germany in World War II and they failed.”

“Science has come a long way since then Dwight, of course, living in Amish country, you might not know that.”

Dwight was about to respond when the entire office heard it, “Jim, I need to speak to you, privately, sorry if that was loud.”

Jim looked up to see Karen, not looking happy, Jim’s stomach dropped, he looked at Pam quickly who mouthed, sorry. Jim stood up and went to face the music, he was dreading this, but partly because he knew how much he had hurt her, he genuinely cared for her, but in the end, she wasn’t the one for him, there was no question, but she had gotten caught in the crossfire and he would always feel bad for that.

Karen and Jim entered the small office kitchen, “Jim, I’ve given this a lot of thought, I’m not going anywhere, you can’t fuck up my career. I’ve worked way to hard and I’m not going to let you mess it up because I fell in love with in emotionally unavailable dickhead.”

Jim nodded, “that’s fair, I’m sorry Karen, I understand, I do, I just couldn’t do it anymore, I care for you, but I don’t, I don’t love you.”

Jim felt terrible, he could see small tears forming in Karen’s eyes, “well, isn’t that just great, well I hope you and Pam are happy together, in hell.”

Jim took a deep breath, “look, regardless of anything else, I tried, I did, I’m just still messed up Karen, end of story.”

Karen shook her head and stormed out, Jim returned to his desk, on his computer was instant messenger message from Lacy273, which was Pam’s new online identity to chat with Jim online at work and keep the others oblivious, Jim’s was TomPeters493, and Jim showed Pam how to make it, so their own new screen names didn’t show up, just the word me instead.

Lacy273: How’d it go? Terrible or super terrible?

TomPeters493: Super terrible, but knew it would be, totally worth it, in a relationship with an artist, a flirty little gal, sore loser at mini golf, but she’s hot.

Lacy273: Keep it in your pants man, nobody cares.

TomPeters493: Sorry, I’ll try to do better.

Lacy 273: I have a new man myself, he’s not bad, he’s kind of short, but other than that, not bad.

TomPeter493: Good to know, thanks.

At lunch, they sat together joking, Kevin kept making weird comments about them, trying to see if they were dating, but they had both prepared alibies, so they were good. Karen stayed away from them, which made them both happy but made them feel bad at the same time.

After lunch, they sat together in a Michael meeting, Michael had called a meeting to increase hotness in the office since Ryan was now at corporate, he would train for two months before being in charge of their branch, Jim was not looking forward to that, but two months was a nice break from corporate interference. 

Michael had four new pictures at the front of the room, Ugly Betty, Roz, to slug type monster from Monster’s Inc., Sloth from Goonies, and Christina Ricci with a pig nose from the movie Penelope.

“Take a look people, these are good people, but what do they have in common?”

Pam felt bold today, “they’ve all rejected you?”

Michael shook his head as everyone else laughed loudly, “no, Pamela, I’m with Jan, remember? But anyways, these people are all great, but they are pre-judged by their non-hotness. Just like this office.”

Dwight raised his hand and Michael called on him, “I can make this office look better, we can make it look like the Galactica or like Hogwarts.”

“Dwight, you are part of the problem, we need hotness, not that fantasy crap.”

“Michael, don’t you go to magic camp, like every year?”

“Yes, James, I do, but that’s real magic, not make believe.” Jim nodded and grinned at Pam. Michael continued, “my point is people that we lost Ryan, we are down to Jim and myself in the guys, and sort of Karen and Pam and at times Kelly in the women department.”

Jim stood up, “alright, well this meeting is over, we don’t need a lawsuit, David Wallace sent new guidelines for meetings, and this is worse than he imagined.”

“No people, stay seated, why didn’t I see that one Jim?”

Jim cleared his throat, “it’s when you told like ten Monica Lewinsky jokes, remember, to show he couldn’t push you around?”

“Fine, meeting dismissed, but be thinking about this people! Jim, a word, in my office.”

Jim and Pam glanced at each other quickly as he got up to go to Michael’s office. Jim sat down in front of Michael’s desk, not knowing what to expect. Michael soon sat down and frowned at Jim.

“Jim, you have to be careful, you can’t chase other hot people out of the office?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Michael shook his head frantically like he did when he was not understood, “Jimbo, you dumped Karen, you can’t dump the hot office ladies, that’s no good for us.”

“Well, as much as my personal life is not the concern of the office, it was the right move, now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go look for a new job.”

“Jimbo, lighten up, it’s fine, I’m sorry, but seriously, what do you have lined up now, Katy again?”

Jim groaned, this was going to be painful. “no, Michael, I just need me time, time to get back to basics, work and basketball.”

“Jim, that’s what pathetic people tell themselves, that’s what I said for years, for years, I always said it was my job and my magic, that’s all I needed, but as it turns out, sex is even better.”

Jim didn’t know how to get out of this when he heard Pam’s voice on Michaels phone, “Michael, Jan on line one.”

“Beat it Jim, time to talk to my lady and her ladies.”

Jim stood up and made a terrified face at Pam before sitting at his desk, he already had a conversation waiting.

Lacy273: So, how was that?

TomPeter493: That was awful, in new ways, he talked about sex, asked if Katy was back in the picture, and blamed me for chasing away hot people.

Lacy273: sorry, maybe a blowjob before dinner would cheer you up

Jim nearly spit out his water when he read the message, he could feel his ears reddening as he replied.

TomPeters493: You almost killed me, don’t do that, the message, the thing in the message would be fine if that’s what you actually wanted

Lacy273: Oh, you know what I want, what I always want

TomPeters493: a cardigan and white keds?

Lacy 273: more like your cock, in me, best ever

TomPeters493: What has gotten into you today?

Lacy273: I just like my new boyfriend and feel bad he has had to deal with a lot crazy today.

Jim was about to respond when he saw Kevin walking towards him, so he minimized the conversation, “what’s up Kev?”

“You and Karen are over, you and Pam now?” Kevin smiled, his sort of perverted smile.

“No, we’re friends, Pam and I, but yeah, Karen and I broke up.”

“Mind if I ask her out?”

Jim’s mind had a thousand thoughts, “sure Kev, I’m sure she’d love that.”

“What about Pam?”

Jim almost laughed, “I give you my blessing, ask them both out.”

Keven held us knuckle for Jim to hit, Jim answered a phone call and then brought up his cover conversation with Pam again.

Lacy273: Did you really give Kevin your blessing to ask me out?

TomPeters493: He’s lonely, I think you’d be a great match

Lacy273: I hate you

TomPeters493: No, you don’t

Lacy273: You’re right, I love you, but I should hate you.

After work, Jim parked his car in their agreed upon spot, he jogged over to where Pam was waiting for him and hopped in her car. He immediately leaned over and held her face with his hands as he kissed her, releasing his frustrations and desires from having to pretend to not be with her during work.

Pam smiled at him as he broke off their kiss, “so, dinner, in Wilkes? Reservation at six.”

Pam nodded, “alright, you’re the money bags.”

“That’s Assistant Regional Manager Money, the big time.”

Pam laughed, “seriously though, how bad was your day? Mine was easy, no exes to yell at me, no Michael talking about sex.”

Jim just smiled, “hey, if that’s what it takes to keep them off the scent and enjoy just us for a while, it could be a lot worse.”


	17. Glee and Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pam and Jim continue their relationship while dealing with guilt over Karen.

“I wish I could have changed first, I feel a little dumpy in my work clothes.” Pam sighed as she sipped her wine at the Cork Bar and Restaurant in Wilkes.

Jim shook his head, “Pam, no way, you look amazing, you always do, honest, never seen in you in something and thought, that doesn’t look good.”

Pam laughed, “yeah right, you saw my backup glasses.”

“Hot dorky, serious, did we not have sex like right after I saw those on you.”

Pam blushed, “shhh, not so loud, but yeah, we did.”

Jim reached out and took her hand in his, “I still can’t believe we’re together, it’s everything I’ve wanted but everything I told myself would never happen.”

Pam softly kissed his hand, “I know, me too, but it still sucks you got so much crap today at the office.”

Jim shrugged, “honestly, it didn’t bother that much, I mean, annoying, yes, but the truth is that I just kept thinking about our weekend together, and it all didn’t matter, all that mattered was you and I, so getting verbally castrated by Karen, worth it, getting lectured by Michael, yes I wanted to hit him, but worth it.”

Pam smiled, “I wanted to hit him like ten times today, how do we not do it daily?”

Jim chuckled, “I just tell myself it would be like hitting a handicapped person, but not physically or mentally handicapped, Michael is a new class of handicapped, he socially handicapped. I know for a fact he didn’t lose his virginity until he was twenty-eight. Twenty-eight years old, he also repeated the second grade and went to prom with his mom, so just when I want to actually hit him, I remind myself, he’s one messed up weird guy.”

“What about me, why didn’t you ever truly lash out at me? I you through hell.” Pam still held his hand, but her smile faded as she looked vulnerable and almost shy. 

“I feel like I did some, I was hurt, but we both know we both did things, waited too long, kept our feelings hidden, but to stay mad, never, I just couldn’t. I always hated and made fun of my friends who were so into their relationships or girlfriends, but you, it’s different Pam, you’re my everything, there’s you, and then everything else, sorry if that sounds lame, but it’s how I feel.”

Pam leaned over and kissed him, “you have no idea how nice it is to hear that, I spend those long years of my life, nearly one third of my life in a relationship with someone who I wished felt that way, only to trap myself in it because of fear. I finally got my courage, but now that I’m with you, I don’t worry.”

As they left the restaurant later, Jim couldn’t keep his hands-off Pam, pulling her to him, kissing her, Pam laughed at him, but as the drove off in his car, Pam got a look of mischief in her eye, “I do believe I promised you a blowjob after work, how thoughtless of me.”

Jim looked almost panicked, “Pam, you totally do not have to do that, I’d probably crash.”

“We’ll see.” Pam bent down and undid his belt and pants as Jim tried to concentrate on the road, “wow, Jim, so hard already, still surprised skinny old you is hiding this thing in your pants.” Jim was about to respond with a whatever when Pam licked the head of his cock and then sucked the tip with a popping sound, Jim groaned as Pam then took as much as she could of him in her mouth for being in the car at a strange angle.

Pam loved to hear Jim come undone as tongued the tip of his length as she moved her mouth up and down on him, “fuck, Pam, I’m going to go quick tonight, you don’t have to this…”

Jim’s sentence was cut off as Pam began moving at a frantic pace, hitting her head on the steering wheel several times, Jim groaned, and the car swerved slightly as he lifted his hips, pressing her head against the steering wheel again, Pam licked her lips and smiled as she sat up again.

“Holy fuck, Beesly, that about killed me, so hot and crazy all at the same time.”

As they changed for the evening and sat on her couch watching Twin Peaks, Jim couldn’t stop smiling, not even a week before, he had been with Karen, but now he was here, with Pam, at Pam’s place, she had given him a blowjob in his car, not even an hour before.

Jim was starting to relax to the point of falling asleep when Pam hit him with a heavy question, “so, I know we promised not to look back, but I want us to understand each other, to understand what we went through, so I have to ask. Okay here goes, what was the hardest thing you had to go through waiting for me to wake the hell up?”

Jim chuckled a little, “wow, hitting me with the hard stuff tonight, but it’s a fair question, which I will also ask you, but the hardest part, honestly, wasn’t one time, there were certain times seeing you with Roy that hurt, but the worst was seeing you put off the things you wanted to do, your art, your dreams, and seeing him just be a dick, I’d feel so angry and sad all at the same time. Then, when I was with Karen and I saw you get back with him, I felt guilty, I felt jealous, I felt angry at myself, it was so fucking hard, but it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Pam nodded as she almost wanted to smile thinking about how happy she was with Jim, how he supported her in her desires to not stay the same, he wasn’t a jealous type, he helped her, he loved her, not sex, not being together, her. After a slight pause, Pam cleared her throat, “okay, for me, the hardest thing, it wasn’t you and Karen, that was hard, there were some days when I cried, a lot, but some of that was anger at myself, but the worst was the evening you kissed me, told me how you felt and that you couldn’t be my friend, I hated myself, I knew, I fooled myself for so long into thinking we were just friends, but I really knew, how I felt, how you felt, and in that moment I chose comfort because I thought that’s what I supposed to do, and I hated myself for it.”

Jim pulled her as tight as he could, they both were tearing up a bit, “see, this is why we shouldn’t do this, go to the past, it hurts, but all that matters is now, I feel like I should fucking pinch myself all the time, it can’t be real.”

Pam smiled as she leaned back and pulled Jim down with her, before her head hit the side cushion her teeth were tugging at his bottom lip, her hands already lifting Jim’s t-shirt off, Jim pulled away as his t-shirt came off, his hands quickly lowered to her shorts, pulling them off while her hands yanked at his shorts and boxers, despite the array of hands and movements, with in a minute, both were naked on the couch. Pam looked up at him, “you’re right, why worry about the past, this, right now, it’s pretty amazing.”

Jim grinned, “way to make the expectations way too high.” Pam’s hand immediately wrapped around his cock, Jim began planting passionate kisses on her collar bone, up her neck, then her ears as one on his hands teased Pam’s folds, rubbing them softly up and down, over and over until his thumb found her swollen bundle of nerves, rubbing circles softly as Pam began to whimper, her hands now on his ass, enjoying the freedom to touch where she had only imagined for so long.

“Fuck, Jim, I need you, now. I stopped taking the pill when I was still with Roy, but I got back on beach day, so…”

Jim didn’t need any other words, he soon pressed himself with her help into her, he moaned as he took in the feel of himself in her without any barriers, the warmth, the softness, the way she was so tight around him, the look of her face as he slowly pushed his entirety into her. His thoughts drifted to the other women he had been with, it had never been like this, not even close, the pleasure, the intensity, the emotions. Jim’s thoughts were interrupted by Pam, “Jim, yes, just like that, so close.”

Jim didn’t know what he was doing, but he tried to keep it up, Pam’s fingernails dug deep into his back, her hips grinding harder at each thrust, her yells and moans pushing him to his breaking point. “Fuck, Halpert, yes, yes…” Jim felt himself begin to tense, he shouted something, he didn’t even know what, when shuddered and then released, his mind barely comprehending that he was spilling into Pam, no condom, nothing between them, at last. Jim buried his head into Pam’s neck, she slowly and gently kissed his neck, “Jim, are you alright?”

Jim lifted his head, “truthfully, never better, I mean never, this is….”

Pam smiled, “yeah, I feel the same way.”

As the alarm went off the next morning, Pam noticed Jim wasn’t moving at all, she finally had to nudge him, hard, to get him to wake up even a little, “Jim, we have to get going, we have to get your car, so you can get home and get ready for work.”

Jim sat up, looking dazed, “oh shit, yeah, I’m up, I’m up.”

Jim grabbed his things and then collapsed in the passenger seat of Pam’s car, “We need to keep a few things at each other’s place, so we can avoid the morning rush and shuffle.”

Pam grinned at him, “sounds good, or we could not spend every night together.” Jim began to stammer, Pam cut him off, “I’m kidding, I love being with you, and so far, you seem to feel the same.”

“Pam, this is new for me, every other time, I felt like I needed space, I wanted space, but it’s because with the others, don’t look at me like that, I’ve had five somewhat serious girlfriends, including you, and only slept with six, I know you’re at one, but let’s face it, you probably have way more…experience.”

Pam snorted at him, Jim continued, “sorry, but my point is that I’ve only felt like I wanted to spend every minute, well, with you, and that was before we were us. You have no idea how hard it was to have so much fun with you at work, to connect like we did, and then watch you seem unhappy-ish with Roy and leave with him, while I went home to nothing. I tried to fill the void, Katy, that was a disaster, I only stayed with her for the two months we were together because everyone told me we were a good match, and Karen, because I thought I had to move on.”

“This is a lot before coffee and breakfast.”

Jim smiled at her, “I know, but I had to say it, with hiding things at work, not exactly the place for confessions of love and all that.”

An hour and a half later, Pam had to hide her face and her smile from the rest of the office as Jim entered the office, Jim tried to hide his own grin as he sat down at his desk and turned on his computer, something felt off, but he couldn’t quite place it until he finally noticed that Karen’s desk was empty, cleared out completely.

“Karen is gone Tuna, I hear she got the manager job in Ithaca, soooo, just me left. The lone survivor.”

“That’s great Andy, really great. Sorry Andy, I’ve got work to get to.”

“Gotcha Tuna, cheer up man, things will pick up, they have to, that’s what I always tell myself.”

Jim felt conflicted, he was happy for Karen, relieved she wasn’t there to make him feel worse, but his guilt over how he had treated her would hang over him for a long time. He sent several messages to various clients as the instant messenger popped open on his screen.

Lacy273: You okay?

TomPeters493: Yeah, just not happy with myself and how I handled everything, nothing to do with our recent history, but things in general.

Lacy273: You need some time alone tonight?

TomPeters493: God no, unless you do

Lacy273: No, not at all, just making sure

TomPeters493: I just have a little guilt, but not with my latest decisions, that is my best decision ever

Lacy273: Okay, just making sure

TomPeters493: uh oh, you know who is coming, bye for now

“Jimbo, I told you you’d chase Karen away, we need some hotness in the office.”

Jim felt his whole body tighten, “Michael, if you give me more shit about this, I’ll leave for good, it was a relationship, mine, I need you to not say anything.”

Jim expected Michael to do the Michael and get crazy emotional, but instead he mumbled sorry and went and gave Oscar a hard time for wearing a purple tie.


End file.
